off-topic a bit

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

Two friends of mine have recently had miscarriages. I'm a little lost for words, not ever having been pregnant myself, but would like to be able to offer some comfort.

If you were in that situation what would you want to hear?

Comments

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

Having gone through one a few months ago...

1) "I'm sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through."
2) Offer to take them out for something small - ice cream or a cup of coffee. While out, just listen to them. If they do want to talk about it, be there. If they want to talk about the weather, be there.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I was going to say the first, but I didn't think of the second two, and they sound really important, too.

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

You are a good friend to them. :)

[inanna.livejournal.com]

Although i have not ever had a miscarriage, my husband and his former wife suffered a stillbirth, so i asked him.

He said, a lot depends upon what they are feeling about it. What the DON'T want to hear are things like "It was probably for the best" ; "It is sad, but it is nature's way of taking care of a child that wouldn't have lived anyway" ; "You can have more children" ; or things like that.

Depending upon how far along the baby was when it died, it can feel like losing a child you know and love (as opposed to a "missed opportunity") - and the typical grieving process applies to pretty much everyone.

So, be sensitive to where your friends are. Express your sorrow for their pain, offer to help out around the house (if they want it), to make a meal or two - just as you would if they had lost any other family memeber. Don't take it personally if they don't want to talk about it... it takes time to process and deal with and it will be different for everyone. Let them know you are there if/when they want to talk or need help, but don't force yourself upon them.

*hug* This isn't easy for anyone. *hug*

[dodogrrl.livejournal.com]

Also don't be weirded out if they are NOT devastated. Depending on the woman, she might or might not be grieving. My friend who had a miscarriage basically just regarded it as a big messy hassle...

[lindsey-nichole.livejournal.com]

i just had a miscarriage two weeks ago.

never ever say, you still have time to have more. it's the hardest thing to hear because in truth, at this time they probably don't want more children, they wanted this one.

just say you're sorry, and offer to listen. but don't force them to talk about it. i had a really rough time the first few days and would cry any time someone brought it up.

just generally be how you would be in any other upsetting situation, supportive :)

[puttysan.livejournal.com]

That's exactly what I was going to say.

"I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm here if you need to talk."

I was only seven weeks along when I miscarried, but it was still a rough time, and the "it's for the best" comments really bothered me.

[lindsey-nichole.livejournal.com]

yeah it definetly isn't an easy thing.

i'm sorry for your loss.