(no subject)

[gauchogirl.livejournal.com]

Hello everyone, I'm new here and to Live Journal, and I have a question that has been bugging me about sex and pregnancy and such, and I hope I'm not out of line by asking here.

I am a virgin, I have never had sex before, including oral sex. However, my boyfriend and I have fooled around with clothes on (I was in my underwear and he was wearing boxers.) He's never penetrated me or anything, but I'm curious, can you get pregnant this way? He sai he didn't ejaculate because we didn't go long enough, but I am still nervous. I have heard so many different stories, and I'm not sure what's true and what's rumor.

I am over 2 months late for my period, and getting a bit worried, because I know neither of us are ready for the committment of having a child, let alone having actual intercourse. (I am 18 years old, he is 19.)

I'm going to my OB/GYN on Wednesday to find out if it is stress, diet, or hormonal...but my biggest fear is that somehow, some way, I am pregnant. I haven't had any other classic signs of pregnancy (headaches, tender breasts, "morning sickness," weird food cravings, etc.) I have been under a lot of stress from my school and social lives (it being my first year in college,) my diet isn't the greatest, and I put on some extra pounds (about 20 pounds) over the summer since school was out, and I had oral surgery which left me eating almost all ice cream. Could these be factors in my wacky period cycle?

I don't have means of getting an at-home pregnancy test, and I have reassured my mom over and over that I have not had sex (which is true.) So I'm not too sure if there is any other way of telling if I am pregnant. I did do some research, and the only other thing I found I could have besides the stess and diet problems is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, where the ovaries will develop little cysts that can be treated with hormones or having the ovaries removed.

Can anyone offer me their insight or advice for this? I am really scared I have made a big mistake in my life, and I hope my imagination is just getting the best of me. Thank you all.

Oh, one last thing, is there a way of INDUCING your period? I miss having it and knowing I am somewhat normal!

(crossposted)

Comments

[lindsey-nichole.livejournal.com]

your period can be affected by sooo many things.

you arent pregnant. by now you would definitely be seeing signs of pregnancy. i believe that sperm die immediatly when they are air born because they need a warm moist enviroment to survive.

your gyn should be able to clear this up for you. and if you aren't against the idea of birth control, talk to him/her about it. it'll prevent pregnancy and also help to regulate your period.

there are ways to induce your period in the memories i think. i've been on bc so long i haven't had to do anything like that in awhile. i did try parsley tea once and got major cramps but no period, so.

good luck :)

[gauchogirl.livejournal.com]

Ah! Thank you so much for the support! I will definately check the memories.

Honestly, after this scare, I don't plan on doing much fooling around...well, ANY. But if my gynocologist does suggest birth control to regulate my period, I will probably end up going that route, just to be on the safe side.

Where do you get parsley tea? I've never heard of it before...is it something you could find at like a Trader Joe's?

Anywho, thank you again for the support! : )

[lindsey-nichole.livejournal.com]

what is trader joes? ha

you actually have to make it. you can get parsley at any healthfood store.

[gauchogirl.livejournal.com]

Haha sorry...Trader Joe's is a health food store that has a bunch of exotic foods and such. I have parsley at home, so I'll try that this weekend.

[tori24.livejournal.com]

you arent pregnant. by now you would definitely be seeing signs of pregnancy

Actually, that's not really true. You CAN be pregnant and never show any signs at all. You can also have your period the whole time you're pregnant. The only reasonable option is to see a dr.

On that note, its *possible* to get pregnant through underwear although it's one of those rare things. You can't discount it. I think seeing a doctor is very important. And I think that your dad working at the school should have nothing to do with it. Your files are confidential. Either talk to someone there or talk to a dr outside of school. Seriously.

[probabilistic.livejournal.com]

Standard disclaimer: I'm not a doctor.

If you really did only fool around with clothes on, it's highly unlikely that you're pregnant. "Pre-come" (the stuff that comes out before ejaculation for lubrication purposes) can sometimes have a tiny amount of semen, but that small amount combined with the dual clothing barrier make it very difficult to get pregnant. I'd guess that the missed periods are the result of stress, weight gain, etc. My period tends to be late if I'm stressed out, gaining weight, dieting, sick, or whatever - everybody is different of course, but it's certainly not unheard of to skip periods due to the things you mentioned.

With regard to inducing periods - I've heard lots of people in this community talk about parsley tea. Never tried it myself though.

[gauchogirl.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend did mention that his "spotting" was just like a natural lubrication, and that he never got excited enough to actually ejaculate.

I am almost positive now that this is all a combination of my stress at school, my poor diet *slaps her hand* and my weight gain.

The parsley tea idea I may try, it sounds pretty interesting.

Thank you so much for your input.

(yikes I used my wrong name! shhhhh)

[probabilistic.livejournal.com]

Oh, and one more thing - if you're at college, check to see if the college medical center offers free pregnancy testing. Many of them do!

[gauchogirl.livejournal.com]

(Gah! did it again!)

My dad works at the college, so I am trying to avoid the student medical center if at all possible.

[probabilistic.livejournal.com]

The doctors are bound by doctor-patient confidentiality, especially if you are over 18. At my college, a student must give written consent before medical records are released to college employees (like counseling deans, etc) or parents. I would guess that your college has similar privacy restrictions in place, but it is always prudent to check! Also, check to make sure that the pregnancy tests would be covered under your student medical plan and not any outside insurance from your parents...

[gauchogirl.livejournal.com]

If things with my gynocologist don't turn out like I have planned, I will definately go to the student medical center. I'm just nervous people will see me go in and come out and my dad will get suspicious (only my mom knows that my period is acting wonky.) Call is paranoid, but...yeah. I am "daddy's little girl."

Thank you for the advice. I will definately make sure that the pregnancy tests are covered (from what others are saying, my chances of pregnancy are almost nonexistent, so for now I'm not TOO worried.)

[emmeangel.livejournal.com]

"I'm just nervous people will see me go in and come out and my dad will get suspicious (only my mom knows that my period is acting wonky.)"

you can go there for any number of reasons... not just sex ones. they do everything short of surgury and ER-related things. you could just be going in there for throat losenges... no one asks and no one really cares... what would make them want to tell your dad?

anyways, i hope everything works out for you! :D

[inanna.livejournal.com]

Hi there!

Well, your post really scared me... because at 18 you appear to have almost no knowlege of your body and what reproduction is all about. You are either a HS graduate or a HS senior.... that is just terrifying.

Please, talk to your gynocologist or, if you don't feel comfortable with that, talk to someone at planned parenthood or your local free clinic. It is SO important to know and understand your body - it is basically the only thing in your life that is 100% yours and for which you are 100% responsible. If you are at college, most have wonderful classes in Human Sexuality (usually in the Psych or Biology departments) - i would stongly suggest you take the class as it will teach you not only about YOUR physical body, but also mens' bodies, psychology, and ethics.

Some people say if you know about sex and your body you are condoning sex - well, i won't make that statement... when i learned more about sex, reproduction, emotional aspects of choices, etc. i was MORE careful and less likely to have sex than when i didn't know the whole story. You can know the facts and choose not to have sex... or to choose which sex acts (from kissing to mutual masturbation to other forms of sex) you are and are not willing to do.

Be safe. Blessings...inanna

[gauchogirl.livejournal.com]

I am a high school graduate, and I won't lie, I totally agree with everything you say. Before my current boyfriend, I had never participated in anything remotely sexual (kissing.)

I have considered taking the human sexuality class for one of my electives probably next fall. I feel so niave and irresponsible for what I've done, and I hate to admit but I let my hormones do the thinking for me.

This will be the second time I've been to a gynocologist, since I have never been sexually active till now.

Thank you for your honesty and concern, it is really appreciated.

-Christine

[inanna.livejournal.com]

*hug* i am so glad you took that as i meant it.

Although i don't think you are irresponsible, really. We (our society in general) doesn't do a good job of teaching our children and young adults about sex. And that makes me so mad! It can be such a wonderful thing to share with another person, but it can also be used as a thing of manipulation and abuse. If we taught our children about their bodies, their sexual urges, safe outlets by themselves, safer choices with others, and the emotional and physical and spiritual consequences of those choices, i think our society would be much better off.

As it is, so often we are taught that sex is dirty, we are dirty for wanting it, or that if only we are "good" then all will be ok. That doesn't prepare anyone for anything. And it doesn't acknowlege that without sex we (humans) would die out.... it is not only enjoyable, it is necessary for our continuation.

i started having sex when i was 15.... much too young, but i thought it would make me something i wasn't. i've learned that there is a difference between making love, having sex, and f*#(%$g.... and that i don't want the last one at all anymore.

i am now 34 and the mom of 2 boys (5 years and 5 months) and i know that i won't let them grow up not knowing that sex is sacred and it is wonderful and it is fun and it is a responsibility. That the answer is "no" unless their partner says "yes" (as opposed to teaching them that they have to wait until she says "no" - my boys will know that they have to wait until she says "yes" and even then think twice). They'll learn it is ok to pleasure themselves (we'll talk about it, abuse here!) so that they won't be ashamed or frustrated because they have physiological needs for which they have no outlet. And, when they do have a partner, they'll be able to talk about what they like and dislike, as well as talk about birth control, social responsibility, and safer sex. They'll "keep it covered" until they are ready for children, no matter what their partner says they are on. And they'll know that they can always come to me with any questions - and that i am also a resource for their friends and girlfriends, as many parents just don't know how to talk about sex and responsibility.

Oh my, i've gotten on my soap box again. Sorry. :) i just think sex is too important a part of life to not be given the same respect we give to driver's ed! :D

[sulingsi.livejournal.com]

((((applause))))
!!! if only we could make it so that no one had to go through the shame, confusion, and unnecessary freaking out that usually accompanies our first sexual experiences, when they could be fun and caring! this is the whole reason i'm working on becoming an ob/gyn. *raises a glass to toast you*

[imdrkangel.livejournal.com]

I am so glad that there are parents out there that are open about sex and sexuality. Our son will be 15 at the end of the month and he was raised with the understanding that NOTHING is taboo for us to talk about. Since he was raised that way, he doesn't think twice about what he says around us or the kinds of questions he asks. I feel confident that when the time comes he will make an informed decision as to whether he really wants to have sex and if he does he will "keep it covered."

[laululintu.livejournal.com]

Wow! Sounds like your sons are very lucky to have you as a parent. Mine aren't/weren't too bad and I know I can speak with my mother if need be. However, I think I'd rather not, if you know what I mean.

Sex is a beautifu thing, but it does come with a responsability.

Much love to you all,
Karo

[kelism.livejournal.com]

out of curiousity, why can't you get a home pregnancy test?

[gauchogirl.livejournal.com]

I don't have a car, so it's hard for me to go any where without my parents. And if someone else is driving me they are incredibly paranoid. (I've been kept sheltered for all my life, and my folks are pretty protective.)

[kelism.livejournal.com]

You don't have a friend with a car who could pick one up for you? No place in walking distance either from school or home?

[nelsolidarida.livejournal.com]

Heh, i'm older than you and still worrying about this right now. So thanks to all the people who have reminded me how unlikely it is to get pregnant through two pairs of pants. Having said that i have been drinking a lot of pennyroyal tea, in the hope that it will dislodge anything that might have tried to take root.