Had your tubes tied or seriously considering it?

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

I'm tired of having a mini-pregnancy scare every month ("my breasts are too sore, they shouldn't be too sore, maybe i'm pregnant, aaaaa!"). I have a pregnancy phobia, and while I have considered eventually adopting or somehow farming out my genes, I do not ever want to bear children. To date, I have not had an abortion, and while I'm scared of the prospect should it arise, pregnancy scares me more. I took hormonal birth control once and gained 40 pounds and a major depressive episode over the course of a year and a half; I am not interested in doing that again. I have a latex sensitivity, so a diaphragm is right out, and I have to use the expensive polyeurethane condoms. I have both a husband I live with and a boyfriend in another state (everyone is aware and ok with this arrangement, but it does mean that I have as acitve a sex life as I want). On that note, this constant fear of pregnancy dampens my sex drive considerably. I am 25, and I have been seriously considering getting my tubes tied since I was 16.

Have you gotten your tubes tied? How invasive was the procedure? How painful? How was the recovery? Was it expensive, did your insurance cover it? Did doctors hassle you? Do you regret it? Do you feel anything weird on a spiritual level for those of you who are religious? Has it changed your relationship(s)? Has it changed your view of sex or your sex drive?

Have you considered getting your tubes tied and decided against it? What made you change your mind?

Other comments?

Thank you for any comments or advice you may have. If you want to say something privately, please feel free to email tyrsalvia@livejournal.

Comments

[geminigirl]

If you're willing to, and comfortable with using a diaphraghm, there are silicone ones available. They may need to be special ordered though.

I have no advice about the tube tying though.

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[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

Really? That's cool. I had one about 8 years ago, and that wasn't an option at the time. I still think I'd rather be done with it, though.

[ourika.livejournal.com]

You may have a difficult time finding someone to perform a tubal ligation for you because you're so young. If you'd can't find someone to do it, you can look into some other options (someone mentioned the non-latex diaphram. There's also IUDs (there's two different kinds - hormonal (Mirena) and copper, you can find info in the birthcontrol community. The IUDs last either 5 or 10 years (depending on the type of IUD) and don't cause weight gain, changes in emotion, or any other loverly hormonal imbalances that can affect some women who try birth control pills.

Those are just two other options that you might look at if you can't find a doctor who is willing to perform a tubal ligation.

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[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

I've heard that 25 is where it starts getting easier to find a doctor who will do it. Besides, I live in the San Francisco bay area, there are a lot of doctors here. :}

[mareklamo.livejournal.com]

For more answers/opinions, you may also want to post your question to birthcontrol and tubal_ligation

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[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I didn't know tubal_ligation existed. Very helpful, thank you! :}

[breezy01.livejournal.com]

my mother-in-law tied her tubes after her third kid at age 24,and at 40 when i was pregnant she decided she wanted more children and started treating me like shit because i was pregnant and she was not
so like 2 months after my son was born she decided to get her tubes untied (supposedly she could get pregnant after 1 cycle guarenteed)
paid some doctor $5500 and now is stuck with credit card debt and no kid and even more depression around those times of the month.
so my advice to you. wait on tying your tubes.

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[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

Thanks, that's a good view to consider. I don't think I'm at all likely to want to be pregnant, but it's worth thinking about.

[thornedillusion.livejournal.com]

You're most likely looking at a major battle to find a doctor that will perform a tubal on someone who's under 30 and childless. I've wanted a tubal since I was 12, (I'm now 26). I had managed to brow beat my gyn into giving me one this summer, but she has since quit the practice, so I'm back to searching.

Insurance coverage varies from policy to policy. My insurance will cover all but %10 of the procedure, but that doesn't necessarily mean yours will. Your best bet would be to call the number on your card and ask if sterilization is covered.

Here's what I did to find a doctor:
I called Planned Parenthood in my area and asked them for a list of private practitioners they refer women under 30 to who wish to be sterilized. I then compared that list to the list of Ob/Gyns for my insurance. Then I called around until I found one that was at least willing to discuss it.

Be prepared to argue. Have all of your arguments for a tubal ligation on hand before you go. If they sense any hesitation, they won't even discuss it. Many younger women that get a tubal ligation regret it later, and some have sued, so doctors are extra cautious. I'm near San Francisco, and there isn't a doctor in the area that will consider it for anyone under 24, and then only if there are serious health issues involved.

It's such a hassle to get a tubal this young that I would seriously consider getting an IUD if it were an option for me (not monogamous, and allergic to copper and synthetic hormones). Your gyno may be more willing to give you a tubal after you've had an IUD. Just don't mention that you're not monogamous when discussing your options. Many doctors will refuse an IUD to women who are not monogamous because they fall into a higher risk group.

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[inanna.livejournal.com]

Many doctors will refuse an IUD to women who are not monogamous because they fall into a higher risk group.

This is so true! Yet, when i was talking with the nurse-midwife at the UW medical center while getting my mirena IUD, she told me that some recent studies actually show that women w/ IUD's have less incidence of STD's than the same group of women w/o them. The info is still very new, but i was excited to hear about it. She was saying that personally she would recommend IUD's to younger women who are sexually active and not necessarily monogamous - but then Seattle is pretty progressive. That is absolutely NOT the case most places.

My sister was 24 and had 2 children and wanted a tubal - and they refused her as they said you had to be 30 or have 3 kids before they would do it! Feh! She is now 39 and has 3 kids.. that 3rd one came about 3 years after #2, and while she loves him, it wasn't her choice.

Good luck!

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[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

This is the most useful response I have gotten to this post so far. Thank you very much. I am very much an aries, and already a very assertive and aggressive person - so yes, I am prepared to argue. I'm also near San Francisco.

I don't want to deal with an IUD because the concept of having to go through an invasive procedure more than once to remove my fertility bothers me. I mean, this way I'd get it out of the way for the rest of my life, not something to be repeated every ten years until my body stops this whole fertility garbage on it's own. Not to mention that hormones mess me up and I just plain don't like the idea of having a thing inside me like that.

I'm pretty clear that I want a tubal ligation. I never want to have to worry about pregnancy again.

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[thornedillusion.livejournal.com]

I only have a list of doctors for the East Bay, but I'd be happy to share that with you. Planned Parenthood was great when I called them, they fully agree that if I want to be sterilized, I should be able to get it done without a fight; and I've heard that Planned Parenthood of the South Bay is even more accommodating. If only the doctors felt that way. One argument your gyno is likely to throw at you is, "No one will do tie your tubes this young." That isn't true; there is at least one doctor that will do it through Planned Parenthood at 25 after they make sure you really know what you're getting into, and most gynos in the area know it. If you tell them you know you could get it done through Planned Parenthood, they know you've done your homework and are, I've found, a little more willing to discuss it at that point.

I'll be writing my new gyno to see if she will do my tubal this summer. If not, I will ask her for a referral to someone in the group that will. If she is unwilling to do that, I'll be asking my regular GP for a referral. If all that fails, I'll bypass my insurance entirely and get it done through Planned Parenthood. The procedure through them is $1500. I'll be posting my experience/saga to my own journal, birthcontrol, and tubal_ligation once it's done.

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[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

Um, did you miss the part about being 25 and married? This is not an acceptable response. I am deleting your comment.

[efficientgumby.livejournal.com]

i really have no insight, but i was just wondering why you are so afraid of pregnancy? maybe that needs to be addressed before anything else...?

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[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

Because it's horrible and icky and bad? Because it makes you a thing instead of a person.

When I was 5, I had a nightmare of this large blackblue cave filled with these headless pregnant bodies continually giving birth. I can still recall the image. *That's* what I see pregnancy as. It's parasitic, like the movie Alien. It scares me less than death only because it is fixable and death isn't.

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[efficientgumby.livejournal.com]

hmmm, fair enough. what happened to the nurtering mother image? or the....a little part of you?
i'm not critizing you, just a very different perspective, i suppose.

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[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

The nurturing mother thing can be nice enough, but I figure I can adopt if I want that. Pregnancy itself just makes me think of "body, not mind". It's depersonalizing, in my brain.

[moonstrucky.livejournal.com]

Although this comment isn't about *me* per se, my mother had a tubal and here is what I know:

It failed ;) And I have a brother named Nicholas who is 9 now. But the second one did not fail (or has not yet.) No form of BC is 100% (I think a tubal is like, 1 in 40,000 though) so just be prepared for that. The doctor did it right, they did a dye test to make sure it was complete, all of that good stuff, but it still happens.
It apparently wasn't all that bad of a procedure. It's outpatient -- she was home the same day. They strongest medicine they gave her post surgery was Tylenol 3 w/ codeine, so I can't imagine it's "designed" to hurt too badly.
I know that you're opposed to IUD's, but maybe consider them some more anyway. Insertion and removal of an IUD is nothing compared to the invasiveness of a tubal surgery. Insertion is done at your regular ob/gyn, and removal is done there too. I found some information here (http://www.infoforhealth.org/pr/b6/B6chap3_1.shtml) for you, if you're interested. You could always get one for 10 years, and then doctors will hassle you much less when you're 35 about wanting a tubal.
(And don't let anyone talk you out of it anyway. If you decide to want to children, helloooooo adoption. Plenty of kids need homes anyway.)
Best of luck.

[whoremoan.livejournal.com]

I thought I'd add a lighter comment here. My mother got her tubes tied and when her abdomen healed she had no belly button! They spot the doctors cut included the belly button, but this was 14 years ago so that may not happen anymore. The moral of the story is if you like your belly button make sure you keep it!

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[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

Wow, that would be *so* weird. I'll keep that in mind.

[perplexxi.livejournal.com]

i know it stinks having to paste your entry everywhere, but childfree definitely has some 'tied' gals over there who can actually give you personal experiences rather than "my mother's brother's co-workers ex-cousin..."

being 25 and married, i don't see any reason why you'd be given a hard time about this -- at least, there is no ethical reason to. don't be afraid to shop around. if a doctor says no, say goodbye.