missing in action, questions and concern from a new member

[wickedconcubine.livejournal.com]

Firstly, my period isn't a normal cycle... Its not unusual to go for several months without having one, or to have it continue for several weeks (making up for lost time or something, who knows)... I don't generally worry about it if it doesn't come for a couple of months, but (isn't there always a but?) my boyfriend and I haven't been as safe as we should...

No, I'm not on birth control... I was single and pretty much abstinent for a long time (years, by choice even) and the relationship is a fairly recent thing... I've been doing research online, looking into different types of birth control to see what might work with me... mostly focused on side effects and cost... I haven't managed to get a day off during the week, or out of work early enough to make it to the local planned parenthood to discuss options with them.

Well, you can guess it... I've skipped two periods now (not that this is unusual for me, but now that I'm sexually active again it is a cause for at least mild concern). I took a home test, and it came up negative, so I didn't worry about it... But another month has passed since then and still nothing is happening, so now I'm a little anxious.

I do not want children, neither does my boyfriend... We discussed when we got together the possibility of an accidental pregnancy, and agreed that abortion would be our choice. I have health issues, both physical and mental, that would make a pregnancy dangerous, even with giving it up for adoption.

Today I spent some time looking up the signs/symptoms of pregnancy, and that brings a bit of relief... Of the top ten signs listed on most sites, I only have experienced four of them, and even those are normal for my body (missed periods, headaches, dizziness, fatigue).

I'm going to try to get a day off next week so that I can go into PP and get a blood test done, as well as talking about BC... But I don't want to explain to my boss/coworkers why I need a day off during the week... they're all somewhat religious and my boss is very judgemental. Everyone at work is baby crazy (especially since one of hte girls is about halfway through her pregnancy) and will look down on me if they find out that I plan to terminate any accidental pregnancy. (One girl in particular is very vocal about being pro-life and tells everyone that if they ever get pregnant and don't want it she and her husband will adopt -not that they can afford to pay their bills, much less take care of another child-)

I don't have all that many female friends, and none that I'm close to, and especially none that wouldn't run off telling everyone if I tried to talk to them about this, so I don't have anyone to discuss any of this... So I came here... Not even sure its the right place to look for advice... If its not, feel free to point me in the right direction. Please!

So I have several questions.

Birth Control: What option do you prefer/use, what are the side effects and effectiveness? (don't waste your time yelling at me for not being on it already)
Pregnancy: Signs/symptoms... Is a missed period when its not that unusual for my body something to panic about?
Abortion: Has anyone been through this and can give advice, if it becomes necessary? (can respond privately in email wikked_concubine@yahoo.com )
(Don't waste your time yelling at me if you are pro-life, accept that it is beyond your control)

Oh, and another weird question that I'm not sure what category it falls into... I don't think its pregnancy related, as I haven't found any mention on any of the websites I looked at...

Around the time of hte first 'missed' period, I started having a bit of a discharge... and I've had it pretty much constantly since then... its not heavy, thick or smelly... but it is a bit annoying, if I don't use a pad or tampon most of the time my underwear gets a little damp as the day continues.

Of course only now I'm wondering if it could be a mild infection or something (if its still happening when I go to PP I'll ask), would that prevent the period from coming? Is there something I could take to clear it up and get things back on track? Not that I like the monthlies, but its kind of comforting when you realize it means you are Not pregnant!

So those are my questions, thank you!

Comments

[psycheague.livejournal.com]

I had an abortion almost exactly a year ago (it was early May 2003) and I'm very open about talking about it. I wasn't on birth control then either and it was a big shock when I got pregnant in April of last year.

When I got pregnant, I also developed a yeast infection, which is something you might want to mention because of the discharge you're having now.

My abortion was, of course, painful (mentally and physically), but I still know that I made the right decision. If you need to know more specific information, feel free to ask me here or e-mail me at psyche-ague @ wildmail.com (without the spaces, obviously). I'll answer any question you have. Nothing is too invasive.

Blessings in your decision (if you need to make one). Please get yourself checked out as soon as you possibly can.

There are other possibilities for "herbally-induced" abortions. If you're more interested in this, check out http://www.sisterzeus.com for more information.

[obvious.livejournal.com]

I've sent you an email.

Re: BC

[wickedconcubine.livejournal.com]

Its a monthly thing now, a standard cycle? Do you have trouble with cramps, heavy flow, or any of the rest of the usual nonsense?

Re: BC

[wickedconcubine.livejournal.com]

::looks around to make sure no one is paying attention::

YAY! ::bounces up and down::

Thank you. ::puts on a more dignified look::

[iliadawry.livejournal.com]

FYI, it's recommended that you visit the gynecologist annually once you're 18 or sexually active. While your boss may be incredibly judgemental, cervical cancer is nothing to sneeze at and getting checked for it is a good precaution. You don't need to tell anyone you also plan on getting a pregnancy test and discussing birth control while you're there.

[maiden-midwife.livejournal.com]

I have had 2 abortions, both due to the failure of condoms. After the 2nd condom failure, I went and got emergency contraception, but I still got pregnant. These abortions were 12 and 13 years ago, but I do remember feeling pretty sore, tired and depressed for a couple of days afterward. (I will send you an email so that you can ask me questions if you want to know more.)

After the 2nd abortion I went on the pill. I never had a yeast infection in my life until after I went on the pill. I really believe that if I had never gone on the pill I would have had a lot fewer yeast infections by now. I went off the pill about 2 years later because I was not sexually active with men for the time being.

Due to health problems and other concerns I now choose not to use hormonal birth control. The only advice I can give you about birth control is that if you are using condoms, be very consistent in the technique of application and removal in order to maximize effectiveness.

The irregularity you describe in your cycle leads me to believe that you could have Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome. I am not saying this to alarm you, I just think it would be good for you to get checked for it. I have known a lot of women who have PCOS, but I don't know that much about it. Maybe there are some women here who have it and they could tell you more.

[stratyllis.livejournal.com]

About your boss, you don't have to explain why you are going to the doctor, that is your private business. Just say that you need to go to see the doctor. That's all any employer needs (or would get from me).

If you really feel the need to tell your boss exactly why you are going to the doctor, then make something up. You have to get an eye exam, you have a boil on your left butt cheek that you need to get checked out, you have a problem with your ear, you have a funky toe infection, anything that would get them out of your hair.

On birth control. I would advise a diaphragm and condoms.

[skeptictank.livejournal.com]

I totally agree on the boss topic. I'd just tell him/her that you have a PAP-smear scheduled and that you tried to do it on a saturday but that they keep saturdays open for emergencies only.

I find that bosses (especially male ones) typically want to know as little as they can about their employee's vaginas. Same goes with teachers/professors. I'm not sure how open you are about things like that, but if he or she really puts his/her foot down and says you can't have the day off, just open your mouth next time you're around a lot of people. Something like, "you know, I think I'm gonna have to take a sick day tomorrow. I really feel like my ovaries are about to dislodge and cause me to make a scene. Not to mention the discharge...I really think this is serious! You know, YOUR boss might really be interested to hear how little you care about this." You'll have the whole day paid before you can finish rambling.

I had a bladder infection not too long ago and a professor that yelled at me for getting up to use the restroom 4 times during a 3 hour class. I started in on a loud and lengthy explanation of my condition, and he turned bright red and apologized.

[wickedconcubine.livejournal.com]

::grins:: nice

I'll try just telling them its a doctor's appointment, and if they press for more tell them its personal (of course, I'll prolly be blushing when I say that, and they'll get the general idea)

[wickedconcubine.livejournal.com]

We use condoms (most of the time)... I just want something to use/take in addition to that... Pill, shot, something along those lines... to be doubly safe most of the time, and have at least something for those occasions where the condom breaks or gets forgotten (The shower is so far from the bedside drawer!)