"Period Card"

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And right on schedule, my period is here.

I woke up this morning to the feeling of my uterus trying to collapse in on itself. This warranted a trip to the bathroom.

And what do you know? As soon as I sat down on the toilet... GUSH!

My brother Tommy asked when were we going to go to Keystone Lake and I just laughed. Mom told him, "Nope, sorry, we can't. Deidre is on her period." (I can't wear tampons because I always push them out, they never stay in). He glared at me like I was the most evil thing in the world.

Oh boohoo, I can't go and flail my fat about in a diseased lake and all because my sister has her period! THAT BITCH!

In previous years when mother decided we would randomly pack ourselves into our piece of shit car without air conditioning for an excursion to Keystone Lake, I'd always play the "period card."

"Sure, you guys can go without me, I'm on my period." Trip cancelled!

In silent glee I'd watch my brothers as they cursed me.

In those days, I could pull out the "period card," seeing as I wasn't on birth control. My periods were horrific and unpredictable, obscenely irregular, lasting for weeks on end.

Now I can't whip out the "period card" as an excuse. All my mother or father would have to do is rummage in the cabinet for my birth control pack and easily see through my lie.

Oh well, I've escaped the lake this week. I'm not sure how much longer my luck will hold out....