I made a post about a month ago about maybe being pregnant, heres the follow up.

[cat666.livejournal.com]

I made a post about a month ago about maybe being pregnant, heres the follow up. Well, im a week late, and im the kind of person who is never and I mean never late, I think maybe once out of my life I was one day late, but now im one week late, and could have good reason to be.
I went to the store today and got a clear blue easy pregnancy test, with 2 tests. Went home and toke the first one. It wasent really all that clear but you could make out what it was and they also had a little thing on the side of it that gave 3 ways it could very well look and what they all mean, Mine looked most like "A" and under "A" it said "This is more likely to occur when you are pregnant and you are testing more than a few days after your period is due as hCG levels are higher."
And thats true, I am a week late and I did take the test afew days after my period was do.
I toke another test just to be sure, same thing.

So heres the part where I dont know what to do. Im only 16 years old going to be 17 in 3weeks. But im pro-life as where my boyfriend is pro-choice. After I toke the tests I called him, he told me it was up to me but I knew what he thought was best. He wants me to have an abortion something that I never want to do. I was reading online today about women who have had abortions at very young ages but now wish they hadnt. I want to do what he wants, but than again it is my choice as well as his.
I have to tell my mom tommrow. He is going to tell her with me. But he said it would be better for me to deside what I want to do befor we talk to her. I just dont know what to do and I was/am hoping someone would have something to say about my story.

Comments

[psycheague.livejournal.com]

While I myself have had an abortion, I know that not all women want to. You risk losing everything, including your boyfriend, but you have to stay true to what you believe.

The best of luck to you, sweetheart, and I hope you update us on how things are going for you. *hugs*

[plymouth.livejournal.com]

god. that really sucks and I am sorry you are having to go through this. Just remember that accidents happen and you're not a bad person!! I'm glad you're in a position you can feel comfortable telling your mom and I'm extra-glad your boyfriend is going to be there to support you. Having that support is so key.

I'm pro-choice myself so I'm not sure I can give you the best advice. If you think you'll regret terminating the pregnancy then you probably shouldn't. OTOH, it's WAY hard raising a kid while you're still in high school and you need to take your future into consideration - how well will you be able to take care of a kid if you don't graduate from high school? It IS possible to have the kid and still graduate, but it won't be easy and it will require a lot of support from your parents and boyfriend. Once you have it, would you want to keep it or give it up for adoption? Giving it up for adoption might actually end up being HARDER than living with having an abortion, since once you have the kid it will be really hard to let it go and know that it is out there somewhere out of your reach.

Just my thoughts as someone who thankfully never had to go through this. I was just last week discussing with my boyfriend the question of what we would do if for some reason our birth control failed. We're both pro-choice but I'm 28 and he's 27 and at this point in our lives the idea of raising a child isn't completely unreasonable... though it is still not what we have planned and having only been together for 6 months now we'd really like to have more of a plan before we did bring kids into this world together (it's not out of the question but it would be at least a couple of years off before we did it INTENTIONALLY and it's hard to know now if the relationship will last that long).

We're rooting for you! I hope you find peace with whatever you decide.

[prettynpink106.livejournal.com]

You need to do what you feel is right in your heart. If you think you may have regrets about having an abortion that perhaps that isn't the way to go. If you don't think you are able to raise a child while still in high school then perhaps consider adoption. You could even have an open adoption where you would still be able to see the baby and get pictures and stuff. Adoption is a great thing (my family just adopted a little boy).

Perhaps talk with your mom about this. I'm sure she will be able to give you advice.

[crassy.livejournal.com]

Life is full of regrets, you cannot escape that.

I agree with the above posters, this is your decision, and you have to do what you feel is right for you. After you speak with your mother, you should make an appointment with a counsellor who will go over ALL of your options with you. Try Planned Parenthood or something like that, where they are not pro-choice (I have been in your situation, and I found that pro-lifers were always very biased in giving options, whereas pro-choice people would give you the information you need about all of the options. Please remember that pro-choice does not mean pro-abortion).

Good luck, this is probably one of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do. It is your body and your life.

We're all thinking of you :)

[obvious.livejournal.com]

The regret of an abortion does fade over time. Don't let fear of regret force you into one choice or the other. Whichever path you choose, there are plenty of supportive resources out there for you. You don't have to live with ANY choice on your own.

[efficientgumby.livejournal.com]

if you really think that you couldn't live with the regret, there is always adoption.

i'm really sorry. i'm 17 and couldn't even image what that would be like.

[livriyut.livejournal.com]

First things first: go to a doctor and get tested, just to be sure.

Dare I say congratulations? Pregnancy is not the worst thing that could ever happen to you. If you're anything like me, it could turn out to be the best thing in the world.

I was once in your shoes myself... exactly four years ago, actually. The only difference is that I was 19 -- but I was in college, living alone with my boyfriend (who I was supporting at the time, and who broke up with me as soon as I stopped paying his rent). My parents were not a part of my life at the time, and though they've since become more supportive, we're still not really on solid terms. I could go on listing negatives, but that seems counterproductive.

I decided to keep the baby, and I'm so glad I did. Yes, things have been difficult at times... but I've got a wonderful three-year-old daughter whom I can't imagine being without. I finished college (only one semester late), and I'll be done with my Master's degree in a few months. Yes, you can finish high school, even if you have a baby.

I'm not telling you to keep the child or not -- that's a decision you really have to make for yourself. Abortion is a serious consideration, but then, so is any decision you make. If you wanted to have the baby adopted, I could put you in touch with at least two wonderful families who would love a baby (and would probably pay for all your medical expenses). There are plenty of options. I don't think anyone here will judge you, whatever you decide.

Feel free to email me if you'd like to discuss this (dielamira at yahoo dot com). I know it's a scary time... I've been there myself. There were people who supported me four years ago, and I'd love to pass along some of the support and caring.

kinda long, please dont flame.

[achtungbaby.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry that you have to deal with this at such a young age. because there are alot of things to think about.

if you do have an abortion, over time, the emotional pain wont be as harsh as you think. i hate to put it this way, but its like having a pet when you are little. you love the pet and want to keep it, but if it dies you are sad, but you get over it with time. and other pets will come into your life.

you also need to consider your boyfriend. do you think he's fit enough to be a father? do you even want him to be the father of your future children? how commited are you to eachother?

perhaps adoption is the way to go for you. your baby will be alive, and have a shot at a really good life with a couple that just cant have children naturally. i know its hard to imagine one of your own out there in the world without you. but sometimes thats just what you gotta do.

and if you keep the baby as your own, are you ready to be a mom? are you ready to stay up late into the night/morning when the baby will be fussy, eventhough you have school in the morning? are you willing to give up alot of your freedom? how will you/your family be able to support this baby?

i mean its alot to go through. think about it very carefully, because you still do have a window of time. just make sure that you do whats best for you in the long run, not just now in the short term. if you love this baby, you'll do whats best for it, regardless of what action it requires. and no matter what it is that you choose, it will be a good choice when you look back.

good luck chickie. <3

[nirbhao.livejournal.com]

I don't have anything new to add, but I just want to lend my support. all three options (mothering, adoption, and abotion) all have positive aspects and all-- ALL-- have negative aspects. don't let anyone tell you what to do, because it your a) your body b) your life and c) your conscience. pregnancy is hard but has huge rewards in parthood. adoption involves both the trials of pregnancy and the loss of a child, but you would know your child has a good home. abortion gives you your life back, but if you are pregnant, you will always know that you could have had a child.

I also recommend counseling at a pro-choice organization. a good pro-choice organization will give you resources and support for any option you choose. they will not judge you. we don't judge you.

I became pregnant at a time when I wasn't planning it, and I considered abortion. I ended up deciding to keep the baby, but then ended up miscarrying. it sucked.

take good care of you. love you.

(hugs)

[erinmdmd.livejournal.com]

http://www.girl-mom.com

This website is a place for teens who are dealing with the possibility of pregnancy, and the possibility of raising a child without a lot of support at a young age.

The women there have been through everything from abortion to birthing at young ages. Perhaps taking a look at what they have to say will help you with your decision making process. They will not tell you what to do, just give you advice and answer any questions you may have.

Best of luck.

[emilime.livejournal.com]

like other said... this is your decision. don't just do what your boyfriend wants... it's not his body.

don't forget about the possibility of adoption also. i saw a family friend go through years and years of trying to get pregnant and then go through the process of finding the right girl to adopt from. there are also agencies that allow open adoptions. where the family stays in contact with you about the child and you can even have a part in the child's life.

[ladieophilia.livejournal.com]

I consider myself a pro-life/choice person, so I always put out adoption first before abortion. I have a couple of friends that have done the open adoption and have been really happy with it. The couple got to know the new parents really well, and some still talk to each other. It is really hard to give up your baby, and for some it makes it much easier if you get to know the new parents. Puts your mind at ease. For others just knowing that it is a good agency who have had good adoption records in the past is more then enough. If you decide to adopt out, talk to the agency and see if there are any couples that would be willing to talk to you about the adoption and how it is going. That could also put your mind at ease.
If you decide that you want to have an abortion, the emotional strain is hard, but so is the after-sugery effect. Have you had proir surgeries? My big concern for myself is that there is something in anethesia that does not mix well will the contents of my stomache, if you get my drift, and that cannot be good after that kind of surgery. But that is just a minor thing in all of this.
No matter what you choose, one of the things that you will find that makes the difference is having good support, like the others have said. Find a group, talk to a trusted teacher, and know that you are not alone. Your boyfriend and you mother (and his parents?) should be there for you, as it sounds like they might, but having impartial support helps a lot too. That is why friends work so well with humans as well as other social animals. Like livriyut I am willing to be there if you would like any support, not just now but down the road. My email is my LJ name at yahoo. I have not been in your situation, but that does not mean that I am not willing to be an ear for you.
All the luck in the world for you hun, because you are facing something that no one else can...your choice.

[emilime.livejournal.com]

and when thinking about how hard giving a child up for adoption could be, it's also good to think about how happy it will make a couple who are trying to conceive and can't on their own.

[sterlingspider.livejournal.com]

I'm going to say somthing that is probably going to be a bit unpopular, but hey, it has to be said.

While yes, it's your body and ultimately your choice, it is also your boyfriends child, and if you should decide to keep it, his responsability for the rest of his life. I'm not saying this to try to convince you to have an abortion, for some people that simply isnt the right path. But he should have some say in the path of the rest of his life, and leaving him out of the decision is cruel.

I was there myself once, at the same age even, though the choice was easier for me as we both understood that it was the wrong place wrong time to bring a child into the world. I am sad about the necessity of the decision and do not wish it on anyone, but I do not for one second regret it.
Unfortunately not everyone can be so sure of what they do, but whatever choice you make, you have to remember that both you and he have to live with the implications of it for the rest of your lives.

I wish you both the best of luck.

[ihatepavel.livejournal.com]

I also have thought in the past that if I got pregnant it would be wrong to entirely leave my partner out of the decision making process, and I do believe that you have to listen to what he says and take it into account. However it is the woman's ultimate decision in my opinion.

But just so you know, even though that is apt to be an unpopular opinion as you said, I know where you're coming from, even though if I'm not sure I agree 100% or not.

To the original poster: this is not a decision you have to make in one day. Be sure to carefully consider all your options. But remember: you are not alone. Many people have been in your position in the past and many more will be in your position in the future. You're not a bad person or anything. Good luck--my thoughts are with you.

[sterlingspider.livejournal.com]

I'm not really sure what you're disagreeing with, as I said, it is and should be her choice.

I just feel that the potential father should at least be able to give input into a decision that will completely change his life.

[ihatepavel.livejournal.com]

As I said in my response to you, I'm not "sure" that I'm disagreeing either, or not. I wanted to hedge my bets in case I didn't understand you entirely. I meant to support your opinion that you commented may be unpopular. Sorry if that wasn't accomplished.

[sterlingspider.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, ok, text is so messy sometimes.

[laululintu.livejournal.com]

I don't have anything to add, but just wanted to offer you my support.

Good luck!

[skeptictank.livejournal.com]

I must be having sympathy PMS because honest to god, I'm just about in tears after reading all of these responses.

I'm pro-choice and I think what it really comes down to is you *and your possible future child.* Like, I know that at this point in my life, even if I were going to carry the child and give it up for adoption, it would put an enormous damper on my plans for the next 9 months. The idea of giving another child to the already fucked up adoption system also scares the hell out of me. Personally, I would rather abort the child than running the risk of ruining its life with unsupportive or abusive foster families and god only knows what else. I just don't have enough faith in the system to let that happen.

However, if you feel that keeping the child or at least going thru with the pregnancy is the right thing for you to do, just know that there are lots of things you will need to prepare for. Trying to finish school and get work as a young mother, dating, etc.

Neither decision will be an easy one, and it's likely that neither will feel like the right one, but just make sure you know all of your options and are thinking more about the FUTURE than right now.

[emilime.livejournal.com]

just to let you know... the adoption process that she would likely have would not be like that.

new borns usually go through a private agency to a couple that have applied and have been through tests and background searches... couples who can't conceive on their own.

now if the state were to take a child a way from someone... then the child is subject to foster homes and that crazy adoption system. also, foster homes aren't always negative and unsupportive.

[skeptictank.livejournal.com]

Not always, but as I said, I wouldn't even wanna risk it.

[emilime.livejournal.com]

well whatever... if you're putting your new born up for adoption you usually meet the person who you will be signing the child over to. they usually pay for your medical costs... if possible they are at the hospital while you're in labor.

if you go through a good adoption agency that is.

if you aren't being given these options you need to choose a different agency is all.

i only say that because i have seen several couples adopt children this way.

[skeptictank.livejournal.com]

You're completely right. But I've also seen some kids end up in awful situations (I'm sure they were taken away rather than being put up for adoption) but the whole thing just scares me now.

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

there are WAY too many people waiting for a newborn baby to become available for a child adopted out from birth to end up in the foster care system.

[skeptictank.livejournal.com]

I've had some bad experiences with the system in general to trust them much. I'm not saying it's a BAD choice, but personally I couldn't do it. There are enough children waiting for homes (not just in the US, but in other countries as well) that I couldn't contribute another.

[sohma-kodora.livejournal.com]

I'll be honest, I have NO idea what I would do in your situation. I am 17 and it would be a hard decision. I am pro-choice, however, I don't think I could do the abortion. If you don't want to have an abortion or keep the child, adoption really is a wonderful way to go.

My Aunt and Uncle were not able to have children and so they kept looking to adopt. It took awhile, partly because the parents of the child changed their mind and such, but when they got Trevor it really changed them. They know have two children that they've adopted and I must admit that I love both Trevor and Tyler so much. They are very dedicated to them and put a lot of effort into keeping them happy.

I think that's also why I couldn't have an abortion, I've seen how adoption can turn out. I do wish you all the luck in the world and that everything goes great. *Gives lots of LJ hugs*

[mistress-yuna.livejournal.com]

Remember one thing, this is YOUR body NOT his. It is YOUR decision, (abortion, adoption, keeping it) he WILL NOT be carrying that child for a year, you will.