a dilemma

[stripling.livejournal.com]

here's a dilemma i have relating to periods and

so i just started seeing someone, and i also happened to start my period on monday. and while having sex during my period isn't my number one preferred time for intercourse, I've been known to enjoy it from time to time. Grab a towel, or jump in the shower, no problem, right? I've even been known to be a bit hornier than usual during that week at times. Well, the guy I'm seeing apparently is very not into sex at that time of the month at all whatsoever.

And I'm kind of offended by that. What exactly is so gross about it? Is it really all that different than the various other juices originating in that area? I'm offended at the idea of it being dirty or gross, somehow unclean, however I don't find it "dirty" in the least. The uterus is shedding ultimately the sustenance that would have supported the life of a child... not the scum of the earth or something... Sure it can stain fabric, but so can a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, and I don't see people turning up their noses at those things.

Would anyone else be offended at this? Any ideas of what to do about it? Am I bizarre for feeling this way?

Comments

[nirbhao.livejournal.com]

some people are sensitive to blood. who knows?

in order for sex to be consensual, you have to respect your partner's boundaries just as you would expect your partner to respect yours. it might turn out that you may only have sex with yourself while you are menstruating (at least while you are with this partner).

it's worth investing in a new toy. (o:

[emmycantbemeeko.livejournal.com]

On the one hand, it's not unreasonable for you to feel a bit offended- any kind of rejection, ven rejection as mild as "I don't want to have sex during your period" sucks.

On the other hand, as long as he wasn't rude about it, and didn't try to make you feel bad about it beyond telling you his boundaries... well, different things squick different people out, and it's not always rational. Regular blood is the very fundamental life force that sustains our bodies and maintains our conciousness... but it makes a lot of people ill to look at. There's nothing at all inherently bad or gross about semen- but a lot of girls can't stand the sight/feel/smell/idea of it.

It's just human nature. Talk to him about it, and see if he is willing/able to push his own boundaries, but try not to take it personally (unless he makes it personal, or tries to make you feel bad, in which case THAT'S reason to get upset). People can't always help what grosses them out, and blood and/or other body secretions are a pretty common squick.

[lindsey-nichole.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't suggest doing this to any guy, but. My story as to how my boy got used to period sex :)

We had been dating for two months, and I had known from the beginning that he absolutely would not have sex when a woman was mentruating. This was a bit dishearting for me, as my ex had no problems with it what-so-ever and I had gotten used to the whole towel routine. I missed sex those two months when I was out of comission so to speak ;)

Then, my period decided to show up unannounced about a week early during our third month of dating. No cramps, no nothing (which is a blessing, because I also have endometriosis and no pain or as little as possible is such a good thing).

The only problem... my period decided to arrive during sex. I was on top of him and when we decided to change positions he began to flip me over, looked down and was like oh my god, you're bleeeeeeding.

At first the boy thought he hurt me, but it was definitely menstrual blood. And when I got up to go clean up, he was like are you bringing back a towel? I laughed, went and got one and we finished.

Afterwards, I was like what changed your mind? And he said it felt absolutely no different than no period sex, and that had been his main concern.

So, that's how my SO got used to period sex. What an understanding guy he became haha.

But, yeah. Some people just can't handle the blood. I happen to be part of the, I refuse to swallow semen club - simply because it never fails to make me sick to my stomach later, so I would definitely not be offended if a guy explained in a nice way why he did not enjoy having sex with a girl during her period. It may be something he warms up to, it may not be and you guys will just have to figure out a way to compromise :)

[stripling.livejournal.com]

haha, I don't think I could set it up that well, with my period scheduled to start exactly during sex. I tend to not be at all sensitive about the swallowing issue, so that's kind of why i'm like "WTF???" in this one. hrmm.

[tiggy162004.livejournal.com]

honestly i think its a hell of a lot better then cause its so much more juicy, but he has a say in the matter he might just not be totally informed about it. I know my boy wasn't when he asked me swear to god it won't be any different right.

[stripling.livejournal.com]

amen!

[sioneva.livejournal.com]

My husband's squeamish about any blood...doesn't offend me, perse, it just is. He's never been rude or mean about it--he just prefers not to have sex at that time.

And during my period, well, I'm generally completely not in the mood for sex. I'd rather just wait until afterwards.

[viva-la-blondee.livejournal.com]

I can totally understand a guy not really wanting to go down on you while your on your period, but yea I can see your point. This is your body and the thought of a person you care about deeply being grossed out by something thats healthy and natural is understandable.

However, you definitly need to do whats best for both of you and what makes both of you just as comfortable. So, if that means not having actual intercourse on your period to be with this guy... I guess thats something your going to have to compromise. Personally, I would rather NOT have sex with him during that time instead of just doing it because I wanted to and him being grossed out the entire time instead of in the moment.

If you dont use condoms, suggest maybe trying that? That way if hes weirded out by blood, he has some sort of barrier. Also, has he ever had sex while a girl is on her period, or is this just an assumtion hes going with that its gross. He might even like it better :)

Good luck!

[stripling.livejournal.com]

yeah, i give fair warning if there is even faint blood odor remaining after i'm finished my period to those going south of the border for fish tacos. (pardon my awful terminology). But if I'm just talking about sex in the shower, then why the big deal?

i understand compromise, but i was personally offended at the rejection aspect, and that ain't so hot.

we use condoms, so it wasn't that. I didn't ask whether he's tried sex during a period before, but I suppose perhaps I should!

[viva-la-blondee.livejournal.com]

I always think its weird how in movies in passionate love sences; everyones always making love and having this passionate sex and uncanned love affairs... And they never bring up the fact before the actual penetration that "hey, by the way im on the tail end of my period, so there might be a slight fregrance that isint very pleasent" lol.

[xnotalovesong.livejournal.com]

I respect what everyone is saying, and I think it's cool y'all are so understanding of your partner's needs. Personally, I won't sleep with a guy who has a problem with period sex. Or I will find a way to change his mind. I realize this is a strange prejudice of mine but I'm very comfortable with my body and I don't think it's too much to ask that a guy be as comfortable with it as I am. Not saying every guy has to be - just ones who want to sleep avec moi. To me, it says a lot about how understanding and open to things he'll be in the way he deals with this issue. On the other hand, I don't mind swallowing. If I did I would definitely have a different way of handling these things. So, to each her own.

I also think it's cool that this issue can raise so many different points of view.

[stripling.livejournal.com]

you know, if i had known he wasn't down with period sex, I might not have even considered sex with him at all in the first place. tricky that you find out these things down the line, and not straight up front.

i totally understand what you mean about the "I'm very comfortable with my body and I don't think it's too much to ask that a guy be as comfortable with it as I am." statement. I couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm a swallower. What's the big deal? Maybe I just haven't encountered any with super nasty flavoured spunk. *shrug*

[faetal.livejournal.com]

*I* have a tendancy to be squeemish about blood, and blood sex. mostly probably because my abdomen feels soo full and bloated durrring that time that introducing anything else into it is just a recipe for ouch. I find it DOES releive cramps for me, but only for a few minutes and then they come back full force.
My fiancé doesnt mind blood at all, and seems to always want me reguardless of what time of the month it is.
I've been in situations though before that werent so similar. I had a boyfriend once that always felt like I was injurred while bleeding. He wanted to cuddle me and take care of me, and always seemed so concerned, but he would have never wanted sex durring that.... it would only further irritate the "injury" in his head.
If its a new relationship, give it some time, talk to him.

[stripling.livejournal.com]

my periods are essentially not a problem after day one or two. the injury thing you describe sounds a bit scary though.... i dunno if i'd be down with someone treating my period like that. :D
thanks!

[daisybones.livejournal.com]

my husband has the same hang-up, & in my only other serious relationship it was absolutely no problem. i was *extremely* offended by his aversion, but it was very much worth it to adapt- we are happily married now, obviously. the thing is, there are always trade-offs. for example, the blood-friendly guy had a fetish for totally shaved girls, but this guy loves my hairy hippy-chick look (& feel.)

now my period is kind of sacred me-time. i treat it like a temporary state of virginity & goddessy-goodness:)

[stripling.livejournal.com]

hrmm, you make a very interesting point...

thank you for commenting :)

[pynkladie.livejournal.com]

Some guys have trouble understanding what all goes on during a woman's period. Yea, we bleed and stuff, but I know that some guys think that we have non-stop heavy bleeding during our periods. Like we're Niagra Falls or something. Not necessarily true (at least for me). It takes a woman to know what really goes on. I bleed for a while, then stop. Again, bleed for a while, then stop. I've been able to fit in a quickie when the bleeding stops. So if guys think we bleed like non-stop, they probably think that it would be really messy and digusting to deal with so they may avoid it. As far as the cramps go, I find that sex increases the pain, especially after.

[stripling.livejournal.com]

same here, i only gush on day one and two, and usually not even that bad. the next couple days are super light or non-existant. i just dont get how sex in the shower would be so gross in that situation... and cramps- i only cramp up on day one or two, so sex doesn't really have much effect if i'm doing it on day three or four.

[bebewood.livejournal.com]

for the same reason some girls dont like sucking dick. just because its natural doesnt mean we have to love it

[stripling.livejournal.com]

but i don't mind sucking dick, and don't see that as gross in the least.... it doesn't mean the situation offends me any less.

[miss-meliss-a.livejournal.com]

I personally do occasionally get a bit more randy during the time of the month, but am not interested in doing it while on my period. You're not bizarre for feeling like that, some people mind it, others don't.