(no subject)

[really-uh-sharp.livejournal.com]

Forgive me- I am male, and I've tried posting this in a nother ocmmunity but it was rejected. Please indulge me; I've looked through the memories in this community and sextips, and haven't found what I'm looking for.

1: do you prefer to sort of keep it a
secret (particularly from males) when you have your period? I know that
you won't go around shouting that you have it, but would you try to hide
it from your boyfriend or friends or something? Do most girls do that?

My girlfriend does it; I wish she wouldn't. I would rather know so I
don't make those kinds of advances if you know what I mean. Also, I want
to like, do stuff for her. To make it easier for her. When I do find
out, I feel bad and try to act nicer than usual without making it seem
like, "Oh you're on your period so I'm your slave."

2: If you're
feeling crappy (mood- or physically-wise), is there anything you would like
your guy to do for you? Or would you rather him leave you alone? Is
there anything I could try that might help her relax and feel a bit better?

And now last question, just so I know (I feel pretty foolish asking,
too): is it correct to say "She's on her period," (as opposed to "She has her period") because I thought I've seen it like that, but I'm not sure.

Thanks for any responses I get. :)

Comments

this is cute

[jjjackie.livejournal.com]

i think it's great that you're not grossed out or uninterested about what's going on with your girlfriend's body. :) she's lucky.

but uh here:
1. i don't keep it a secret from ANYONE. i'll tell the lady at the grocery store if she says, "how are you?" i'll be like, "eh i'm ok, i have awful menstrual cramps though." haha

2. usually i just like my boyfriend to leave me alone when i'm moody. he's pretty good at understanding that when i snap at him it's because i'm menstrual, and when i try to cuddle with him a second after i snap at him, it's for the same reason. heh


also, on her period or she has her period are both ok. :)

[zombiefaerie.livejournal.com]

Wow it seems sweet that you are taking your girlfriend's menstruation seriously. Guys I've dated in the past viewed it as a time where I should just be left the hell alone.

To answer your first question: That depends on the person. THere are girls I've known it who would announce it to the world in a "I'm on the rag so the male species better watch out" sort of way. There are also girls who would keep it private.

Second question: Again I suppose this depends on the girl. I know myself personally menstruation never really incapacitated me to the point where I was completely helpless. While with some girls the pain can be so severe they need to lay down.

ANd the last question: I always say "I'm menstruating" because referring it to my period never struck my fancy. But what I believe to be the correct term although please, I'm sure there is no right and wrong and people can call it what they want, is "She has her period."

Oh and an after thought:
Menstruation shouldn't be something that makes you feel sorry for her. All women deal with it and maybe not telling you makes her feel more comfortable about a situation that can be beautiful, comforting, embarrassing, and frustrating all at the same time? You seem to care enough about her to want to help. What I like, personally, but of course I can only speak for myself, is to just lay and relax with my boyfriend. Being with the one I love during this time of hormonal turmoil makes me feel so much better.

[delicata77.livejournal.com]

I commend you interest and curiousity :)

1. I do not keep it a secret from people who I am friends with. I let them know if having my period is impacting my mood or physical states.
I would never hide it from my partner. He actually gives me massages when I am in the throes of some bad cramps. I think that women who keep it a secret have some degree of body-hate. I know that a lot of women do not like talking about it with their significant others. This boggles my mind.

2. Every woman is different. Some might hate being touched, others might want to have sex. It is all a matter of what an individual prefers.
It might be tough to have this conversation with a woman who is not in touch with her body. She might not know what she needs or wants while she is menstruating.
Personally, I like my guy to just hold me and kiss me when I am having bad cramps. It takes the edge off and we get to make out! Some women cannot stand that.

3. You could say either one, really. As far as I know "period" comes from the fact that women menstruate for a certain "period" of time. Many people say different things.

[pinkdamselfly.livejournal.com]

I do tell my boyfriend when I have my period. I think it's because we have that kind of open communication and he's not at all squicked out about it. Some girls aren't comfortable or are embarrassed by their periods themselves or feel some sort of shame for bleeding every month. If that's her case then likely she won't feel comfortable about sharing with you when it is.

One thing you can do is if she tells you she's on her period, note the date. then figure that 28 days later, she might be in the same state. If you do this a few times you should be able to get a good idea of her cycle and then without telling her you know you'll still sort of have an idea as to when she's on her period. My boyfriend does this. This way, we don't have to say "Hey, just so you know, I'm on my period".

When I'm in my moontime, There are particular comfort foods I focus on. My boyfriend takes me for ice cream or cheesecake or takes me to the Sushi place we both love. We spend a lot of quiet time together and then most importantly for me at least, he backs off and gives me my space.

Don't dote on her as if she's sick when she has her period unless she expresses that she wants that kind of attention. I particularly do not want that kind of attention. It's not an affliction or a disability. It's just my period. I'd rather my boyfriend just become aware of it and just know, silently, that it's going on. In that, he can curb his sexual advances (but we're okay with period sex so it doesn't curb all that much) But he kind of knows to bring a towel into the bedroom and a wet cloth, that kind of thing.

I say that I'm "in my moon" but I think "having her period" "on her period" or "has her period" is just a matter of preference. Best bet is to say what your girlfriend says. If she says she's on her period, that's probably the thing to say!

Hope that helped.

Halima~

[lubedpumpkin.livejournal.com]

You are the best boyfriend in the whole world. Ever.

My boyfriend is helpful, but like, you go above and beyond. Cheers to you!

She might've been brought up in a way or taught that having your period is a bad, evil thing. Yeah it sucks, but it's nature, so you just sorta go with it.

Give her massages. And keep a supply of snackage foods in the three food groups: chocolate, salty, and sugary. And if she gets moody, give her space. That's all I ask for. :)

[ewacat.livejournal.com]

That wouldn't be weird at all. If my boyfriend asked me that I'd be dead impressed, actually.

Aww, your post has restored my faith in malekind. :D

[really-uh-sharp.livejournal.com]

Hahaha. Glad I could be of service.

(wordsfilltheair is me, by the way.)

[standing-apart.livejournal.com]

agreed.

[kattttt.livejournal.com]

ditto

[sofiaviolet]

I tell my boyfriend so he can decide whether or not he wants to do anything sexual (I'm not bothered by sex during menstruation, as long as he's gentle).

[emmeangel.livejournal.com]

1. if people start saying "wow you're crabby" when i have it, then i tell them why. other than that, i don't announce it.

2. depends on the mood i'm in. i can go from nice to bitchy in 3 seconds, so just respect her if she says "i want my space" or "i want to cuddle now." don't ask her what prompted the change, just go with it.

[jennifer0246.livejournal.com]

Good post.

Women are taught that periods are gross and dirty, and thus act accordingly. They can also be pretty painful, and are generally regarded as a not good thing, so alot of women can be shy or less-than-positive about them.

Try communicating directly with your girlfriend that you aren't wierded out by her period, and would like to have the opportunity to spoil her or provide things she needs during that time. Common PMS or crampy cures are hot packs or hot water bottles, some aleve, maybe a backrub if she feels up to it. The problem you're goign to run into here is nothing is a panacea - each women has her own likes and dislikes.

I'd just concentrate on asking her how she feels and what she would like, and maybe get her a chocolate bar and one of those rice-pack things that you can microwave to help cramps or backaches.

[kateherself.livejournal.com]

those rice pack things are amazing!!

[angry-amy.livejournal.com]

you can make your own with a 5lb bag of rice and a pillow case. thats what we did. they are the best.

[vampodrama.livejournal.com]

I was raised in belief that menstruation is dirty and shameful, so to this very day I hide it from everyone, including my mother and sister. yeah, stupid. but you should see my mom. I'm surprised she didn't lock me in the barn for 5 days every month when I was younger. or maybe she did and I've blocked out the memories, who knows.

every woman reacts differently to their period, I personally am the kind who will bite the head off anyone who happens to be in the same country with me during this time. I get extremely people-hating (yes, even worse than usual...)

find a nice, gentle way of asking your girl what she wants and what she would like you to do. there's no way of knowing otherwise ;)

[littlewings77.livejournal.com]

1. I don't normally announce it to everyone, but it's not something I hide either. I'll share with my girlfriends and I let my partner know so that if it's going to have any affect on our sex life, he can know about it in advance.

2. Contrary to what others have said, I do like to be pampered a little during that time, but not treated like an invalid - back or foot rubs are nice. I like to snuggle up together for some cuddlin' too - makes me feel better.

3. I say I "have" my period or Aunt Flow is visiting (I know, so childish, but oh well).

BTW - I think it's great that you are taking such an interest in this aspect of your woman's life. My current partner has really taken the time to get to know about me about my periods and my cylces and whatnot and it means a lot to me that he cares so much.

[ewacat.livejournal.com]

1 - I need to tell my friends and family when I'm on my period. I become a bit short-tempered and depressed and it's just better to give them a fair warning.

2 - I always need tea and giggles when it's bad. If it's really, really bad, then a decent distraction, like a good film or just a nap. No being pampered. That just irritates me. But then, people bringing me random cups of tea and leaving funny notes up and so on cheer me up no end, especially when I'm feeling slightly on the dire side. Oddly enough, sudoku is the best distraction ever. I'm weird, I know. :D

3 - Doesn't matter.

This is so cool of you. Most blokes I know wouldn't think like this, so she's very lucky!

[mabapunta.livejournal.com]

I usually don't tell anyone, not because I want to hide it, but I figure they, family and friends, don't care to know. If I'm especially moody, they'll know I'm on my period because I am usually not really moody. If I do let anyone know, it's usually so I can just complain about the annoying cramps.

I don't have a guy, unfortunately, and deal with menstrual stuff on my own. Sometimes I'll make hot herbal tea...and I munch on snack foods a lot. What everyone else has said sounds pretty awesome...cuddling, back massages, etc.

[winifred.livejournal.com]

As far as keeping it a secret, that depends on upbringing and personal preference. I don't share the fact that I'm menstruating with everybody. It's strictly need-to-know. If it's incapacatating me in some way, yeah, I'll say something, but for the most part what's going on with my private parts is none of anybody's business. When I was younger I was free-er with this information. I have since found I prefer to be thought of as a cranky old lady than a PMS victim.

If your girlfriend is being secretive about it, she was probably taught that by the women in her family. That's more common than it probably should be. You could always ask her to give you a hint by saying a key phrase like "I've got a visitor" or some other euphamism if she doesn't want to come right out and say she's bleeding.

Some people aren't hindered or repulsed by sex during this time of the month and some are. It's not un-natural or immoral to go through with it, it's just a preference. Problems arise when partners don't agree on whether to take a break or not.

There is no answer to your last question. Either way works.

The key is communication. Get off yer LJ and go talk to your girlfriend about it.

[really-uh-sharp.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha. I'm afraid of it being awkward. The conversation, I mean.

I know I'm going to have to sometime, but still.

[darkeyedvamp.livejournal.com]

I must congratulate you on being so extremely brave.
I'm pretty open about it, open enough that all my guyfriends(I have very few female friends) are comfortable about it.
My boyfriend actually knows my cycle pretty well, and though he can't pamper the hell out of me when I'm menstruating because I live in NYC, and he lives in Florida. He will baby the hell out of me on the phone, make sure I get enough sleep, that I'm somehow satisfying all my insane cravings so I don't turn Medusa on him, for being 1500 miles away, he really does what he can. He'll even ask around the date I'm supposed to be starting my cycle in a cute or funny manner like "You raggin' yet baby??" or in another manner. He also knows that if I snap at him, or say something mean to shrug it off because I'm moody. I actually did snap at him Tuesday night, he already new why, but I said sorry anyway.

You must DEFINITELY have foods that fit the menstruation food groups of chocolate, salty, and sweet. If she suddenly craves something salty&sweet, those rice cakes work wonders, and so does Chex Mix Sweet&Salty(the honey glazed one) is great as well. Back rubs, and foot rubs are great, especially if her feet experience any type of swelling like mine do. Cuddle her and be gentle, and if she needs space, don't be offended, just be understanding :)
(but I think you already have that down)
Try to make the conversation comfortable for her, as odd as it may seem to her, it may actually make her feel better about being menstrual, and be more open about it.

good luck ;)

[really-uh-sharp.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for all your help, I really appreciate it. :)

[darkeyedvamp.livejournal.com]

you're very welcome :)

[winifred.livejournal.com]

I'll let you in on a secret: If your approach is confident and caring, it will lessen the awkwardness. Chances are her major issues will be with the mess itself and what it consists of, so let her bring that part up. You focus on if she needs more or less of you around while she's going through it. You'll be fine.

[efficientgumby.livejournal.com]

1 - there isn't really a norm. there are some girls who will tell you and don't care, and those to go to lengths to hide it. if you want your girlfriend to tell you, i think you're going to need to let her know that it doesn't gross you out.

2 - as for doing something for her...i would just like to be snuggled, a few kisses. period sex isn't really an issue with, but if your girlfriend is embarrased about it or just feeling generally crappy, snuggling is always a mood-booster.

[slayertatiana.livejournal.com]

I was always secretive about my period and never talked about it to my mother or sister more than I absolutely had to. I hated having my period and was embarrassed by the whole thing.

The first time I was at my boyfriend's place during my period, I was hit with the worst cramps I'd ever had. I had to let him know why I was doubled over and groaning! He arranged me comfortably on the couch and left the room; I was delighted and very grateful when he came back with a hot water bottle for me. His mother and older sister were open about their periods and he's perfectly comfortable with it all.

It took a a man who cared and took an interest to make me start feeling more comfortable and positive about my period. I'm hoping you can do the same for your girlfriend!

[daisycake.livejournal.com]

1-no, just no. i whine about it ALL THE TIME hahaha.
2-snuggggle. i love snuggling. and i get horrible cramps so i'm laying down all the time.

both phrases are correct

[skeptictank.livejournal.com]

I was always a little impressed when my bf would ask about this kind of stuff. It wasn't always the easiest for me to talk about but he always wanted to know what I meant when I would say "it's really giving me trouble today" or how much I spent on feminine products each month. I think he wanted to be able to empathize with my cramps and financial burden of being a female.

But anyhow, to answer your questions -

1. I am, once again, in a physical relationship with someone, and I don't usually say, "hey guess what!? My period started today!" But like you said, I want to save him the trouble of thinking he's gonna get laid when he isn't so I tend to give him a heads up about it (i.e. "We should probably stay in tonight... it might be a while before we get a chance to again.") To me, I think it's polite. If his penis were in a knot and I thought I'd be getting some when I wasn't going to be, I would like to be informed about it as well. Plus, if I tell him that I'm not feeling well as a result of my period coming, I can usually get a free tummy-rub out of the deal.

I'm sure if you explained to her that you're not grossed out about it and would just like a hint that it's gonna be romance time for you and Rosie Palm and another little memo when it's time to resume business as usual.

2. Speaking of tummy-rubs, I don't really get too horribly crampy or moody, but I do get overly tired and I tend to eat a lot. If we're just going to be hanging around the homestead anyhow, it always makes me feel nice when my boy will cuddle up and take a nap with me or scratch my back while I snooze during one of his beloved motocross races on the SPEED network. Plus, seeing as how I'm a human Hoover leading up to that lovely event, there's no better way to make me happy than to cook for me.

But of course, most women get moody/crampy that time of the month and it's usually a good idea to offer her ice cream and try not to tease her too much (I know how you boys love doing that).

3. It doesn't really matter what you call it, it all means the same thing. ;-)

[patsrockmybosox.livejournal.com]

i have these socks that i wear when i start my period... they are happy bunny socks and the bunny has a huge pink spot where the crotch would be so we call them "bunny period socks." it's a subtle way of letting my boy know what's going on without announcing it to the world since i usually start on the weekend and that's usually when his boys come over. as for hiding it, i don't try and hide it from anyone... i may be more subtle about things like getting a tampon from my purse or something if he has friends over but i really don't try to hide it at all.

[patsrockmybosox.livejournal.com]

oops i forgot the other 2 questions.

i don't think there's anything wrong with "on her period" or "has her period".. either one is ok by me.

i just like extra cuddles when i'm bleeding. as in, non stop cuddles except to get up and pee. but hey thats just me. lol

[really-uh-sharp.livejournal.com]

Hey. Pats and BoSox. Do I smell a fellow Bostonian?

[patsrockmybosox.livejournal.com]

well i actually live in worcester, but you sure do :)

[daffidoll.livejournal.com]

how old are you - and your girlfriend- cuse it could be an age thing. When I was younger, I was much more embarassed about it. Even embarrassed buying tampons. Now, I'm like "Honey, get me some chocolate, I have cramps from hell!"

also, she might think you are grossed out by it. so if you let her know that your comfortable with it, and that you want to be supportive, that could help.

when i'm on my period, I like hot bubble baths, heating pads, large quanities of pain meds, ice water, hot tea, chocolate anything, neck massages and flowers. my boyfriend is amazing and usually provides most of these things.

Technically I think she "has" her period is right. But most people say "on" her period which I think comes from the whole "on the rag" thing. Honestly, I usually say "I'm bleeding" which might seem kind of crass to most people. But for me it's like a sympathy thing I think. I get my way when I'm bleeding.

[jaipur.livejournal.com]

1) Not from the hubby, but from co-workers, yeah. Not relevant in the workplace, and all that. My hubby keeps better track of when my period's coming than I do, though. He's usually expecting it, except it's so $!@ irregular that it never shows up when expected.

2) I usually want to be left alone, but I don't usually get PMS/cramps/etc.

"On her period" comes from the slang "on the rag", I think, and is not as nice as "has her period." But hey, it varies...

[patsrockmybosox.livejournal.com]

my boyfriend is SO in-tune with my cycle it's ridiculous. he notices things like my boobs being a bit bigger/more sensitive sometimes before i do. granted, i'm pretty easy to predict (2nd weekend of the month is when i start) but the fact that he's so in-tune the way he is, is incredible to me. we were talking about it last night and apparently i'm the only one he's been with that's been so predictable, especially since i'm not on BC.

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

1. I don't have to tell my husband when I have my period, because he can tell. There's the obvious bleeding thing, and he says that I smell and taste different (which is a handy early warning for me, I must say). But I don't go around announcing it. It's not most people's business.

I don't need special treatment during my period. I'm not sick. My body does this every month. I want my husband to be nice to me, but I want that all the time. And sex is actually great during my period. Some women don't like it, but it makes cramps a lot less painful.

2. If I'm feeling crappy, I want to be left alone, but that's me. Different people will want different things. If you want to know how to treat your girlfriend when she's feeling icky, ask her.

[love-potion9.livejournal.com]

Wow, you're entirely sweet.

1. I used to not tell my boyfriend when I was on my period, but now...erm...I tell him just so he doesn't get himself into any uncomforable situations. I really don't like being out with him during it, though, because I get SUPER self concious about if I'm leaking or smelly or something.

I don't need any special treatment either, like the chick above me said, it happens all the time. It sucks, but I'm used to it. Him being extra nice to be is cool, though. Once he took me for ice cream.

When it's at its worst, I don't want to be around ANYONE. I turn into a monster. Seriously. I'm like Godzilla or something.