What would you want girls to know about sex, birth control, their bodies?

[mslaynie.livejournal.com]

As some of you may be aware, I'm currently working on a women's health book aimed at teens and young women. While I feel like I've got a pretty good idea of what I want to include, I know that I'm just one person. So I'm asking for input from other people.

What things did you wish you knew as a teen? What things are you struggling with now, and wish you had more information on? What would you want your daughters to know about sex, birth control, and their bodies?

Thanks so much for your time. I appreciate it.

Cross-posted to several communities.

Comments

[hexeengel.livejournal.com]

As for myself, I feel I was pretty well-informed about almost everything, my mother was always open and honest about bodily issues and sex. For my children and the next generation of girls, I want them aware of menstrual alternatives (i.e., menstrual cup, re-usable pads, etc.) and other forms of birth control besides condoms and the pill (most notably, IUDs). I don't want girls/young women/mature women to think of their bodies or periods or sex drives as anything shameful or disgusting or unnatural. I want them to realize and accept their womanhood in all its inherent beauty. I want them to be comfortable talking to their daughters about it all. I don't know if your book, or any book, could give all that, but it's certainly a step in the right direction.

[chakrakhan.livejournal.com]

ditto to the above comment from hexeengel.

I wish my mother had been better informed about menstrual alternatives. I would have liked to have used or tried menstrual cups when I was a teen and really athletic. Also a book that would honestly and objectively deal with the social, cultural, and religious beliefs/practices that influence female sexuality.

[mslaynie.livejournal.com]

Also a book that would honestly and objectively deal with the social, cultural, and religious beliefs/practices that influence female sexuality.

Hmm... how so?

[chakrakhan.livejournal.com]

I think just to have the idea out there. I'm not terribly conservative but I respect differing opinions. I attended public schools received health and sex education in which we learned about STDs and the like, but were told abstinence is best.

Even in my college human sexuality course, we never really talked about real issues. I figure there's a way to bring it all out in the open, objectively as not to offend dissenting factions. From my personal experience, which is admittidly limited, I think female sexuality is so much more obscurred than the sexuality of men (or maybe it's just me). Obscurred is the wrong word. . .

To this day, my female friends who have healthy sex drives that might be compared to that of men, are called sluts, whereas men with those same urges are just called men. I think that ultimately people do what is best for themselves and what they know and if a textbook at least mentions discusses the relative nature of social, cultural, religious beliefs exert over ones sexuality and sexual expression, that they won't have to suffer through the stigma because they were indeed "normal" and that female desire is just as valid as that of a man's. Sort of sexual self-esteem.

Oh and I never even knew about menstrual cups until 1995 when I tried Instead for the first time. That type of thing was never found in any textbook of mine. I'd hope that whatever your contribution is to this cause would help girls and women, love their bodies, and not think or feel menses and sexuality to be a curse.

I personally have a history of abuse so sexuality has always been taboo for me. I guess I like to think that if Id've read something somewhere, Idv'e been on the road to recovery sooner, it's a long road.

I know it's touchy teaching such things to young teens, but for the older young adults I think it would be nice.

[mslaynie.livejournal.com]

You know, I'm sure a lot of people would disagree with me, but one of the messages I'd like to convey is that it's normal to have sexual urges. It's also normal if you don't want to have sex. But girls 12 and 13 years old (or even younger) can have sexual feelings, and be normal, and not be crazy. I'd also like to somehow get across to these girls that it's ok to make your own choices, as long as you're educated and making responsible choices.

And yes... I have a whole section planned out on how to deal with periods- traditional and non-traditional methods, and the pros and cons of them. I've seen so many girls who think that they can't use a tampon because they're virgins, or have never heard of menstrual cups. It's not my place to decide what products you should use... but I can sure give girls more options than they currently know about!

[chakrakhan.livejournal.com]

Definitely, please do, WE need it. Oh yes, about the urges or lack there of. . . a little bit about asexuality. The gavel still hasn't dropped about this being an actual sexual orientation but the population of people who feel they are asexual (lacking sexual drives and urges not due to chemical imbalances or outside factors) is growing.

Speaking for myself, I feel asexual, but am aware that I'm most likely more aversive from my history, still asexuality is pretty intersting and there are a couple of communities on LJ. If this is of interest to you you can also Google search AVEN.

[darlahood.livejournal.com]

I went to an all girls catholic high school, which was awesome (contrary to so many stereotypical miserable experiences others may have had), but I graduated knowing shit all about boys, STDs, and other every day type things that most girls my age probably had known for years.

I wish I had known about HPV ten years ago!

I wish I had known that after you first have sex your body goes through some physical changes, as muscles that hadn't been used before get sore, etc. I went to a GYN who had to tell me this... something any wise woman could have told me, but I -just didn't know!-

I think it'd be awesome for you to have a wee section in your book that talks about body hair. I think our culture is hair-phobic these days.

Also something about home remedies. I'm not talking about some Wiccan type of Herbal that takes 15 hard to find ingredients to make a recipe... but basic shit about yogurt for yeast infections (pro-biotics), cures for cramps, zits, road rash, etc.

Also, let the youngins know that lube is okay ... I can't tell you how many chicks feel that if you have to use it, you're unsexy.

[jennifer0246.livejournal.com]

disorganized and off the top of my head:
masturbation is normal
sexual urges are normal
homosexuality/bisexuality/not knowing your sexuality: all normal
explanations of homosexuality/bisexuality/transgender/transexual - definitions, etc.
alternative menstrual products
contraception! if i had only known then what i know now about contraception options and availability
acceptance of physical self - fat is okay! big/small, short/tall: all are normal and okay and loving yourself is vital, etc
i wish i'd known more about the communication part of sex
menstruation - why it works how it does (FSH/LH, etc). with diagrams :)
that virginity is a bogus social construct and "giving it up" is a stupid term
what a pelvic is like, why get one, where to get one
STIs and their incredible prevalence

[anythingtwice.livejournal.com]

The first thing I thought of was: Your labia are fine just the way they are. Anyone who thinks they are 'gross' is not worth your time. I've noticed a lot of girls concerned about their labia being 'too long' or 'discoloured' and worried that their partners might not like them, and it kinda scares me, especially when I hear about anyone considering labiaplasty.
Other 'love your body' stuff too, of course. Especially hair: IT IS JUST HAIR. It grows. Do whatever the hell you want with it. Hopefully nobody is forcing you to style the hair on your head a certain way, why should they make you do the same with your legs and pubes? It's yours, do whatever you want with it.

Learning to KNOW yourself in order to make better decisions. If I had been better in touch with myself as a person, with my personality and how my emotions worked, I don't think I would have become sexually active when I did. I ended up in a bad place emotionally and mentally for a long time and I'm stuck figuring stuff out about myself NOW that would've been much more useful knowlege a year and a half ago. Soul-searching, self-evaluation, things like that. Checklists are often helpful.

Also, if after all that soul-searching, that it's okay to change your mind! For example, some girls (like me at 16/17) think that just because they've said yes to sex once, means that answer goes for every occasion. But it doesn't and shouldn't! Everyone should have the confidence to change their mind if they start feeling like it's not right for them.

And on that note, learning how to advocate for yourself and your own health is important. This can be anything from how to say "This is what I want/don't want" to a partner, to what questions to ask the doctor, to how to find solid, reputable resources for further information at the library and the Internet.

I also second everyone else's suggestions. :-)

[zorcha7.livejournal.com]

God so many things I wish I had known....

That you don't always orgasm with sex.
That there are two types of orgasms (clitoral and gspot/piv)
That masturbation is ok and normal.
That you don't have to have sex to please/keep a guy and if that is required, he's probably not the right guy.
That there are so many STDS that you can get from unprotected sex
That you really should wait until you are ready and with the right person for that first "time" and know that the first few times might hurt and might not be pleasurable.
How the pill and birth control REALLY work
That even with religious beliefs, its ok to masturbate and get to know your body
That hollywood and the media overglamourizes sex and unhealthy bodies. It's ok to be a size 12 and still be sexy. Every body is different and those used in the media are not the norm.
That breasts are all different sizes and beautiful regardless. You don't need size xxx boobs to attract guys.
That eating healthy and exercising are far more important than starving yourself and eating junk food

All I have to say is thank God for the Internet and places like LJ, where young women can get so much better information than when I was a teenager.

Good luck with your book.

[childofireland.livejournal.com]

I still am a teen, actually. (almost 18 :)

I lost my virginity at 16, and i still havent told my mother. She has never been open about sex, and I know that if i were to bring it up in general, she would most likely be horrified/upset. She came from a very traditional household, so maybe thats it. I wish she'd be more open though, because i have no older sisters or anyone close enough to talk to about sex etc.

I wish i had more information on birth control and STDs, because to be pregnant would be the scariest thing for me at this point in my life, about to go to college and such. Also, I don't know much more about STDs and UTIs etc than what my health classes have taught me.

I hope that if and when i become a mother, my children feel comfortable asking me questions and coming to me when they're worried. I had a time when i was afraid i was pregnant, and i felt so incredibly alone and afraid. I never want that to happen to anyone i know, especially a daughter.

[kwokj.livejournal.com]

I'm on a bit of a fertility awareness kick. I learned the practical basics from my mom when I started menstruating: patterns in cervical mucous, and basal body temperatures. When I got to high school, in grade 10 phys. ed. we learned the biological side: the hormone profiles and how they fit with ovulation and the buildup and shedding of your endometrium.

Nearly 10 years later now, my cycle has gone wonky and I think I'm not ovulating, so I'm finally reading a book (Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler) and putting all that together.

I really believe that every girl should know about this, but it seems to be just a fringe of Catholics (and just because some Catholics do it so as to not use any other kind of birth control, it doesn't mean it can't be paired with conventional birth control for increased reliability)and couples with difficulty getting pregnant who were lucky enough to have doctors that know about it.

Fertility awareness can be incredibly empowering. You learn what's happening with your body. It can help you avoid pregnancy if that's what you want, it can help you get pregnant if that's what you want. Moreover, you'll know if you're pregnant instead of freaking out because you think your period is late. Hang around the certain lj communities and it seems all the time that people are asking if they're pregnant.

[mslaynie.livejournal.com]

You're preaching to the choir here. I wouldn't recommend FAM for teens as a sole method of birth control, but I firmly believe that the more women know about their cycles, the better choices they can make.

Besides, I'm one of those people who push Taking Care of Your Fertility. People have said I should get commissions on it!