Wow, my first time

[x-maya-x.livejournal.com]

Today, I had sex for the first time, and well, it seemed abnormal, when he put his penis in my vagina, from the front, it wasnt going in, like it really hurt, and then i laid on my stomach, and he put it in and i guess "my cherry popped" because it hurt so much, and i started bleeding....i waited for like ten minutes and then we tried again, this time he had me sit on his lap, and i figured, SINCE my cherry was popped, it was going to slide in, but it didn't, and we tried multiple positions, and the only posistion that he was able to get at least 3 pumps was doggie style, other than that, the pain was unbearable, it felt like i had two hymens......WHATS GOING ON?! and i was very upset because he wasn't being understanding of my pain....and was getting mad at me because i needed short breaks, and i couldn't fully sit on his penis....

Comments

[carideo.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what exactly was going on with you, you might not have been relaxed enough, you might try lube next time, oh yeah and a partner that is patient and understanding, in other words, not a flaming asshole.

[orangewrath.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, yes. "...and I couldn't full sit on his penis"..WELL MAYBE BECAUSE IT HURT!

Boys like this disgust me so much. I'm not even going to "suggest" you get another boy, because you DEFINITELY deserve more respect than that (especially if you were in so much pain) and I'm TELLING you to get a new boy. One time (and it's your first??! OH GOD) is enough to prove what an egotistical asshole this guy is. Please dump him for your own good. :/

And like everyone else said..it's your first time! Next time (with a new guy!) take it a lot slower, use (more) lube, and it would be better for you to be on top and doing all the moving, because you'll be able to take it as far in that's comfortable for YOU and NOT you "boyfriend".

[silvertipwings.livejournal.com]

I lucked out my first time- my ROTC boy was strong enough that I could lay on my back and he could hold himself up in basically a pushup so I still had total control. I kept him... we're engaged now :)
I don't know how much sexual experience you (Maya) have, but if it's not much you might want to go get a vibrator and get to know yourself down there (and your orgasms) before more attempts.

[rotf-lmao.livejournal.com]

My advice to you? The next time you try, get a new partner. Preferably one who's not going to be a bastard, like this one seems to be.

[purplepuffygirl.livejournal.com]

It's not going to instantly stop hurting just because your "cherry popped" - you just tore something in your vagina.

Luckily when I had sex for the first time my bf was VERY understanding and would stop when it hurt too bad (which it totally did for me). We went through at least 5 condoms that night. He'd just fall asleep and then I'd be ready to go again. I was determined. haha.

There's nothing wrong with you. Some girls it hurts pretty bad - some girls it doesn't. For me it hurt the next 2 or 3 times - after that it was a breeze.

Don't get down on yourself. And seriously - if I was you - I'd give that boy a few choice words. He has no right to pressure you or make you feel bad when you're in pain. So wrong.

[twisted888.livejournal.com]

Pain is normal the first few times (and even after that depending on the size of your vagina and your partner's penis).

Also, your boyfriend is a total douchebag, and certainly not ready to have sex if he can't stop being selfish long enough to put your physical comfort above his sexual pleasure on his priority list.

Abnormal is exactly the right word for him, not you.

[peradouro.livejournal.com]

The first few times you have sex you need someone who will help you relax and feel comfortable. Not someone who makes you feel you need to change things around so he is comfortable.

You need lots of holding, kissing, petting and fun. Not nervous you being poked, prodded and pushed around by impatient him.

I have no idea how long you've known this guy but believe me there are better people to be having sex with than what you experienced.

Pain and bleeding do not have to be part of your first sexual experiences. As a matter of fact if the guy is making you feel bad then he is the only abnormal part of what is happening.

[saerlaith.livejournal.com]

I agree with Twisted. It hurt for months to have sex after my first time. I promise it gets better.
Xo,
Me

[flightlessangel.livejournal.com]

I agree with everyone above me...
It can hurt for a long time after the first time. The pain just doesn't go away immediately. You may still hurt tomorrow... and the next time you try, it will most likely hurt pretty bad too.
Try using lube, that will help.

tell him to be patient. What a jerk! He shouldn't rush you... he obviously doesn't care how YOU feel.

[tarqness.livejournal.com]

I had to have sex about five times before there wouldn't be pain and bleeding associated with it.

Your BF needs to be educated about how patience is a virtue. If he's "getting mad at" you because you need to take breaks, he isn't ready for sex.

[bandit-art.livejournal.com]

Doooooooooood, that guy sucks, go get a new one that won't be such a jackass.

My first time was painful and I bled, as well. My first lover was incredibly understanding of it, was sure to pet me when it became too painful, was very slow about the entire process, and kept asking, "are you okay?" Having someone who isn't going to be a total asswipe about it is key...it really sucks that your first time was with such a jerk. :/ Some men have no clue.

My hymen was tough to break...my "cherry pop" didn't happen until after about 4 hours of effort. It was painful. It was uncomfortable. It was awkward. And it really pisses me off that the guy's attitude made you feel guilty. That is so wrong. He is the one that is the odd part of the scheme, not you, dear. Keep that in mind.

Sex gets better with time (I was uncomfortable several times before it started feeling good and before I stopped bleeding afterward). And sex is better with an understanding lover. If some guy seems all about sex from the very start, I'd say to ditch him. Unless you can explain to this guy how shitty he treated you, I would ditch him, as well. :/

Good luck with it, lady. Don't feel bad...not all experiences will be so crummy!

[superho.livejournal.com]

My first time wasn't great, either. My boyfriend at the time just tried to shove it in there, with absolutely *no* foreplay, and then afterwards he didn't even so much as hold me. Men are so damn clueless.

Express to your boyfriend that you need to go slow and have foreplay in order for you to be more relaxed and get comfortable. Try the missionary position again, this time with a pillow under your booty for easier entry. KY Ultragel is also a really good lubricant to use. Make sure you use a lubricated condom or add some lube to a regular condom because dry sex will always be uncomfortable.

And if your boyfriend keeps this crap up.. dump his ass! He can always play with himself while you take your needed breaks!

[neaira.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie, YOU are perfectly normal. Your boyfriend on the other hand... total douchebag and you should find someone who actually cares about your comfort.

I had pain the first 3 or 4 times I had sex. It gets better, and you just have to use LOTS of lube and be really relaxed. :)

[fullmoonartist.livejournal.com]

wow, you've had some pretty intense comments already and while i know where they are coming from {a good/wise place} i sooo would not have said it in such judgmental terms ..

firstly, its perfectly normal {unfortuantley} to experience such pain .. as someone said, youve just torn a part of your vagina {hymen} and thus its going to continue to hurt {not for everyone, but some if not most} .. lubrication such as ky jelly will help and even better, patience, time, LOTS of foreplay, saliva etc will do the same ..

as for the boyfriend, well he obviously knows very little about a womans body .. i guess he was getting frustrated that things werent progressing like he had imagined, BUT THATS NOT YOUR FAULT !!

he simply needs a reality check ..

[myparalysis.livejournal.com]

Dudeee... I'm a (kind of old) virgin and it hurts to get fingered sometimes. Vaginas are sensitive!

[maidenmorticia.livejournal.com]

I've just finished writing a really long comment to a question relating to deeply internal pains and first time sex here (http://community.livejournal.com/answers_on_sex/610278.html) including some links on first time etc. So I'm just going to link it here to save myself some typing (hope the mods don't mind).

My best bet on such first time pains is that it's often related not just to lube as others have mentioned, but to your general level of relaxation (internal and external), how turned on you are, and whether the guy has the right angle.

You and your guy might like to slow down a bit with the position experimentation and focus on getting it right in one position at a time. Doggie, fwiw, is uncomfortable for a lot of women. And you might also like to share some of the links on first time sex and pain and so on with your guy. Sounds like he's got a lot to learn himself!

xo M.

[autumn-sylver.livejournal.com]

He was getting mad at you because you had to stop because you were in pain?!
What an insensitive jerk.
It sounds like all he cares about is himself, and he doesn't really give a shit about you. I think he just wanted to get laid and your pain was getting in the way of that, so he got pissy.
If I were you, I would have kicked him out first of all, when he started getting mad. Then I'd dump his sorry ass.

[logic-error.livejournal.com]

Like most people have already said, it will stop hurting after a few times.

I think it took about five times for it stop hurting for me, and that was having sex only once per week or every other week. Not five times in one night..

Your vagina needs time to heal in between sex so that it is able to stop hurting. I noticed this when my fiance was just fingering me, before we had ever had sex. Sometimes he'd do it pretty hard and it'd take a week or two for it be alright again. (no, it didn't hurt while he was doing it, just afterwards, so no one jump on me for having a selfish guy, okay?)

Luckily, my fiance was very understanding and kept asking me if I was okay. He stopped when it started hurting too much. We just took it nice and slow the first few times, while my vagina was adjusting to having something larger than a tampon put in it. I did bleed the first couple times too.

So yes, it will get better. Just make sure your guy knows that he really needs to take it slow and be gentle the first few times, while your body adjusts.

[skeptictank.livejournal.com]

I've been doing the sex thing for about 3 years and I promise that anytime a lack of ample lubrication comes into play it's gonna be uncomfortable and your lady-parts will feel like they got a sunburn for hours (if not days) afterwards. I don't always need to use it, but I try to keep a little bottle of lube nearby just in case. Even the most seasoned sex-veteran will get sorta dry after a while during sex and proper slippery-ness will be the difference between "ooh" and "ouch."

[msbolitar.livejournal.com]

not if you can ejaculate! Hehe.......

[skeptictank.livejournal.com]

Very true. It's rare when things aren't naturally slippery (for me) but once in a while I find myself thankful that I planned ahead and put some things in the nightstand drawer.

[briarwood.livejournal.com]

Dump him. No man has the right to treat your body as his personal sex toy. His behaviour is disgusting.

It's not unusual for sex to hurt at first and if you were upset I'd be amazed if it didn't hurt! You need to be relaxed and turned on, not panicked due to pain and under pressure to perform.

Some women don't produce much natural lubrication; it's a good idea to keep some lubricant (water-based, so it won't make the condom break) on hand. It will help, but even then you need to go slow. Try a finger first, built up to it, enjoy being touched before you try for full penetration. The vagina is built to accomodate childbirth - a baby is way bigger than a penis. So you can have confidence that it will be okay, but those muscles need to be relaxed and ready for it.

Chances are you'll tense up next time you try, because you'll be expecting it to hurt. So take time, and make sure your partner understands that you might need him to stop. Please, please find someone with enough sensitivity and understanding to be worthy of this gift.

calm down on the hating!

[msbolitar.livejournal.com]

I didn't read all of them, but every post I DID read is berating your boyf. I totally agree with you girls; in fact it was the 1st reaction when I read the post. But cool it; maybe she really likes the guy! (He does sound like a jackass though)

I want to say "Yay, congrats you were unable to abstain! Join the club!"
And "Did you enjoy it?" But it obviously wasn't the best experience.

How do you feel about the guy? Were you sure you wanted it to be him? Sometimes it can be painful because you vagina has become constricted - nerves, etc. My ex had such a big one that he had to ease it in every time; patience is definitely essential. I was on a relationship with my ex for 2 & a half years, I never needed lube. Not to deter you, but if he doesn't make you hot enough you won't get anywhere.

Condolences for the pain though. I hope you're alright now. I'd advise you to talk through your position with your boyf so that hopefully he can get a bit more understanding. Take care xx

[everpinkus.livejournal.com]

it totally hurt like a mother fucker when i lost my virginity. I started bawling my eyes out it hurt so bad, and i have a pretty high pain threshold.

For some of us unlucky girls, that's just the way it goes!