shame?

[miss-artiga.livejournal.com]

I have a problem that's kind of embarassing. My problem is that my period is an uneasy topic for me. Don't get me wrong... everyone else's period is always an ok topic. But if anyone even suggests that there's a connection between me and this cycle I get really embarrased and defensive. Just the fact that it's embarrassing for me is unsettling. I'm twenty going on twent-one years old... I should be over this by now. I feel so silly. It's gotten better since I lost my virginity to my ex-husband. I mean, it's hard to pretend that you don't have a period when you're having sex everyday. Ok, here's my question... has anyone here ever felt uncomfortable with their cycle... or even ashamed? If so... how did you get over it? Around what age did you finally become comfortable? I know that this sounds silly... but I'm very proud of having a period...in theory anyway... I don't even make sense but i'll post this anyway.

Comments

[garillama.livejournal.com]

Hmm... I know I take a certain entertained satisfaction in seeing my male friends wince when I bring up the topic. I can't say I've really had any trouble discussing it since I was 15 or 16, so high school.

I'm kind of wondering, was it a shameful topic in your family? I know that some women who grow up without any real information about their reproductive system feel very ashamed to talk or even think about it. I'm not trying to psychoanalyze, I'm just wondering :) I was brought up pretty well-informed about the workings of my body, and I attribute the fact that I have no problem talking about my periods or sex to that.

I would think that the more you learn about your reproductive system and cycle, the more comfortable you'll be about it. Maybe talking to a close female friend, for "practice," could help, too :)

[kateherself.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of women feel ashamed about their periods. It's the way we're raised, and the way it's viewed in society.
I had the same problem until I made a really conscious effort to change my way of thinking about it.

I recommend the books "Cunt" by Inga Muscio and "The Red Tent" (I can't remember who it's by).
I was really about 30 before I got comfortable with my own natural cycle. There's also a book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" that is really cool and teaches you how to chart your cycle and exactly what is happening at each point in the month. For me, education was the key to letting go of the shame.

I hope you find something that helps you!

[winifred.livejournal.com]

Is it that you're "ashamed" to have a period, or that you find your period to be something extremely personal and not acceptable as a topic of casual conversation? Wanting to keep your period to yourself isn't unusual. I only discuss my period with people I really trust (like my close girlfriends, my husband, and my doctor).

A lot of the struggle you're experiencing has to do with how the other women in your family handle menstruation. My family was full of outspoken uppity women, so if there was a menstrual issue everybody heard about it. That, and a majority of the girls I knew were kind of excited about getting their periods -- it was thought of as a rite of passage that turned you into a teenager/grownup/woman.

We'd have a week of sex ed lessons instead of gym class where we watched a filmstrip made in the 60's about how wonderful our bodies would become. We wrote little anonymous questions on slips of paper and stuck them in a box for the gym teacher to answer. It was hyped for us, we were prepared for it. (Nobody bothered to tell us about cramps and flow and inconvenience, but we were kids. We'd find out on our own). The year was 1980. Things were different then.

If you don't want to talk about your period with everyone else nobody says you have to. You already know it's a normal bodily process -- it's just personal. I would be more concerned if you were so "embarrassed" by your period that you couldn't talk to your doctor about it.

[sagesseabiona.livejournal.com]

I was near the end of highschool when I stopped hating it and it was at about your age that I started accepting it as I was dating a guy who was curious about everything and liked to ask questions about it. In my educating him I began to accept it. Then I joined a yahoo group called Change_Your_Pad and I now think it's ok that I bleed everymonth and am quite connected to my menstruation now. So mostly through edcuating myself and others have I found acceptance. I hope you stop feeling shame about it one day, it's such a nice feelign to know that it is there because we are women and that's ok!

[zombiefaerie.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel better (although it probably won't) I have a similar problem with pregnant women, the notion of being pregnant, and the word "pregnant" in general. Although I just used it there three times but I digress. I am not sure why but it's one of those things that I just can't stand so I mask it by saying I despise kids. Characters on TV shows and people in real life alike make me very uncomfortable. I am not sure why but hopefully someday things look up. As far as my cycle goes I can feel uncomfortable sometimes. But never ashamed... I'd probably be far more ashamed if I got pregnant (married or not) and I am not even sure why.

Anyway... Sorry if that's of no help at all.

[bathroom-ensues.livejournal.com]

also,along with what everyone else said, our current mediawouldlike you to continue to be very secretive and embarresed about yourperiod.
i mean look at the commercials for tampons, like the one where a teacher thought it was candy. or the constant slogans that prove that they want even you to forget that you are fertile.

[miss-artiga.livejournal.com]

omg you are SO totally right. It's the media. I've seen those commercials. I guess I just always assumed that with all of the hype of deoderized pads and douches and commercials for discreet packaging... that my period was something gross... hmmm, not gross, but definitly messy. And not something that was for the squeamish? Thank you. That totally helped me see why I feel so embarrassed sometimes.

[flightlessangel.livejournal.com]

I was embarrassed by it up until I was like 18 or 19. I'm almost 23 now, and I really don't care... I dont care if someone hears me unwrapping a pad, if I'm using one.. I don't care if my friends know. I don't care if I have to ask for a tampon. Every girl has a period. Every girl has some sort of period issue...
It's normal and healthy to have a period. I think i'd be embarrassed if i DIDNT have one at all.
I dont like buying period supplies like pads and tampons, but who cares? I'm a woman...! Heck, I'll buy a bag and chips and a chocolate bar and some mydol too while I'm at it. I really don't care if the guy/girl at teh checkout notices... or even if they laugh!
I'm pretty easy going.. mind you, I'd prefer my father not knowing that I have my period when I do, cause he might tease me, but it's okay.

I think maybe you just need to realise that every girl gets a period. Chances are, a lot of girls you come in contact every day have theirs today.. you never know! Also, it's good to talk about it with a friend, because it's somehow comforting.

[spiffychicky.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean and though I never recognized it conciously, I subconciously hated my period, my vagina, my boobs, and basically most of what made me a woman for a long time. It wasn't until I read Cunt by Inga Muscio that I really stepped back, looked at myself, and saw how fucking beautful my body and blood were. Picking up the book with the funny title while passing by the women's studies section was the best decision I ever made.

I do think it's our society, atleast in part. No one comes out and says "all women are ugly", but they do say "all women who don't look like these women are ugly". It's the same with menstrual products. Words like "deodorize" "control" "regulate" "clean" and "fresh" are thrown around like nothing else. They're use alone implies that a menstruating woman is unclean, disgusting, smelly, and needs to be regulated and kept under control. While they're not directly throwing us in a red tent or anything, they are criminalizing us for a beautiful, natural, sanitary occurance. And of course, buying those bleached cotton wads to shove up your twat so you don't even have to SEE it while it's there... it's what girls are told to do as soon as they hit puberty. We all saw the uninformed trash that was period movies in junior high. We were told very early on that we would be dirty, that we shouldn't exert ourselves, that we had to keep spotless while on the rag. What else are we supposed to think?

I was really lucky. My mom, while not a die hard feminist, was a woman who respected her period. She explained pads to me early on, told me what "period myths" were lies, and when the day finally came she bought me a huge box of godiva chocolate and hugged me hard and cried because she was so happy. My dad is really cool about it too, he goes on tampon runs for me every once in awhile. Inga Muscio writes about women who give their daughters "menses parties" to celebrate their first periods. That's definitely something I'd want to do for my daughter if I ever have one.

The best way to get rid the hate you have for your period is to make into something wonderful. Which it is. Get all your girl friends together and just talk about it. When it comes, do something special, just for yourself. Absolutely celebrate it. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

And if you need more proof, look at the past. In history, even though the connotations were usually negative, women's menstrual blood was one of the most powerful substances out there. EVERYONE respected it, men actually feared it. Barbara Walkers "Encyclopedia of Women's Myths and Secrets" (another amazing book) says a lot about it. There are passages in every religious text about menstrual blood being dangerous/powerful/illicit. No wonder modern patriarchy wants to hide it away and pretend it doesn't exist. We've got some powerful shit going on below the belt.

Sorry this was so long, but it's something I feel very strongly about. Mostly because I'm mad at the years I wasted hating myself and just not knowing why. I hope you start to feel better about it all. Communities of women are really really important, and thankfully the internet is a really good place for it. Remember, we all understand and we all support you =).

[http://users.livejournal.com/_last_serenade_/]

i think for me it was a form of rebellion, as odd as that sounds. my mom was always very "prim and proper" about that kind of stuff. when i first started having normal discharge (around 13 or so) i asked my mom about it and she quicky brushed it off "that's normal" and made it clear that she didn't really want to discuss it with me. so from that point on, i kind of made it my goal to find out everything i could, just to show my mom up, i guess. i read books in the corner of the library, i stole the pamphlets from her tampon boxes and studied them at greath lengths, i got into my grandpa's stash of porn and spent hours looking at naked women and comparing them, etc.

i don't really ever intend to have children, but i like to think i've influenced my younger sister's view of menstruation. i use sea sponges, cloth pads and a divacup, and she's taken to doing the same. our mom thinks we're weird and unsanitary, but once again, it's a delightful form of rebellion for us. we've always thought of our mom as a bit uptight, so being comfortable and open about our cycles has been a way to kind of thumb our noses at her without being outright disrespectful. :)