(no subject)

[changeophobe.livejournal.com]

I am absolutely disgusted by my period and always have been. Right from the first time, I was traumatized. Not so much by the bleeding back then; it was more that I didn't want to grow up yet, but the bleeding and cramps soon became my enemies. Everything's gotten a bit better since I've been on birth control, but it's still pretty heavy and uncomfortable and it still grosses me out to just know that I'm bleeding.

My point, I guess, is that I feel I would benefit a lot from using tampons. I have only used a tampon once, out of desperation (because often the amount of bleeding I have is so severe that just walking a little ways or laughing or something will cause me to basically fill an entire pad and have to change it right away), and it was the hardest thing for me to do. The thought of putting anything in there while I'm bleeding makes me feel physically ill, and so right before putting the tampon in I had to really calm myself down and try and ignore the reality of what I was doing. I did get it in and everything, but I almost blacked out and had to lie on the bathroom floor for a while before I could move any part of my body again (I'm a little dramatic :D). After that was over with, I went on with my day and it was by far the most comfortable few hours I have ever had while having my period. I could walk without worry, even though I had a pad on just in case as well (it stayed clean though), I could actually run and jump and do crazy active things that I normally cannot do ever if I'm having my period. It was thoroughly awesome, at least until it'd been in for as long as it was supposed to and I had to take it out. I don't even want to think about what that was like. It was the most disgusting thing I think I've ever done and I almost did throw up afterwards. I had even thought about wearing another one that day, but I just couldn't bring myself to go through the trauma involved again.

I'm aware this is all just in my head and I should be able to get over it, but does anybody have any tips for me? I don't really know what I'm looking for, but anything that could help calm my nerves would be beneficial, and then I could maybe get used to the feeling and learn to not hate it as much. It's so annoying that I hated the insertion and removal but loved the actual time I was wearing it; it's got me hooked in some sort of screwed up way.

Thanks in advance for anyone's input that might be offered. :)

Comments

[gbye-bluemonday.livejournal.com]

if you're on birth control, then why don't you just skip your period?

[changeophobe.livejournal.com]

I do sometimes, but I'm not really comfortable with doing it too often. Haha, contradictory, I know; I hate my period but I don't want it to stop.

[taldragon.livejournal.com]

have you considered talking to your doctor and changing brands? perhaps there's another method that will make your periods much lighter.

[vividexpression.livejournal.com]

What type of tampons are you using? I used to use the OB ones that don't have applicators and the insertion it was quite gross. I switched to Tampax Pearl which have a plastic applicator that slides right inside.

Otherwise, practice, I guess? I mean, looking at a pad filled with blood and clots isn't exactly appealing either. Your period is something you're going to have for many years so you may as well get used to dealing with it.

(for the record, I had the same problems so I completely empathize. I can't even count how many pairs of underwear I've ruined or times I've had to wash blood from my pants. It's annoying and gross and when u already feel crampy it's no fun at all. Tampons do help contain the mess though.)

Good luck!

[dindin.livejournal.com]

Maybe you should see a doctor about your anxiety which seems quite overwhelming.

[krasota.livejournal.com]

For me, it was about truly examining the reasons for menstruation and accepting that it was part of the natural cycle of things. It's something that really connects me to the circle of life, to the earth, and to the many generations of women who have come before me. Once I accepted it as such, I became less squeamish.

I stretch a lot. Take hot baths with epsom salts. Use my period as an excuse to eat chocolate and drink lots of yummy tea.

I find that internal menstrual devices (tampons, cups, sponges) make my cramps much worse. And when I have menstrual/uterine cramps, I get intestinal cramps, too. I use cloth. You may not be ready for that just yet, but I highly recommend cloth.

When I am able to use tampons (generally not on my heaviest day), I prefer ob or a similar style/brand in organic cotton. Yes, the ones I use have no applicator, but they're shorter and expand width-wise, so they're more comfortable than the longer tampons. I heard tell ob has applicator style available now, but I've never looked for them.

[breelligerent.livejournal.com]

I was sort of the same way. For me it really just took getting comfortable with menstruation and my physical maturation. I started becoming more familiar with feminist theory, and read 'zines just about being a woman and everything that it entailed. Just talking about it with other people or reading about the experiences of others made me more comfortable with my own.
It took some time, but it's really helped me. Although I do think that you should see a doctor about the severe anxiety. What I did worked for me, but that's it. You might need something much more intensive such as therapy or medications.
I will also say that I'm on a three month cycle, and that's definitely helped with my discomfort. It comes enough for me to not feel...weird after a while, but it's not a monthly worry. Whenever I start feeling that weird feeling about not menstruating for a while, I just stop taking my bc. Having control over when you menstruate can be empowering.

(Sorry it's so long winded, and good luck!)

[dangerous-rose.livejournal.com]

I used to have the same problem, and are still getting used to the idea. Take a deep breath, and relax when you put it in. But I definitely like them now-I think they keep everything less messy/stays cleaner down there.

[godchildren.livejournal.com]

Honey, I know it's gross. I've had my period for about twelve years and I still feel squeamish now and then, but you've got to learn to accept it because it'll be with you for a very long time. Try to think of it as a trauma that connects you to all other women, fosters solidarity, like childbirth. There is some beauty under all that gore.