(no subject)

[trollfriend.livejournal.com]

The red tide of life commeth...

That is all.

Love love love,

Vicky

Hydrocodone

[00goddess.livejournal.com]

I have a hate/hate relationship with hydrocodone. I hate taking it. I hate the fact that I have to take it. I hate needing a painkiller, a drug.

At the same time, I hate what happens if I menstruate without it. It's horrible. Right before I moved here, I had one period during which I could not find my hydrocodone. It was hell. My periods have gotten worse since then. I shudder to think of what one would be like today, with no meds. I fear that.

I was so happy, last fall, when I found herbs that helped with the pain. I actually had several periods where I didn't need to take pills at all. I was in heaven. I had found a way to treat myself without the pills.

Then, the herbs stopped working. I switched to different herbs, in different combinations, but they still didn't conquer the pain. The pain, I found, was getting bigger. Getting worse.

I always have, and still do, put off taking the pills as long as possible. I start with half a pill. If that doesn't work, I take another half. Only once have I been driven to taking two whole pills. The pain just would not go away. I was very stoned that morning. The world was very fuzzy, everything had a soft glow. I smiled and smiled. But that wasn't the important thing- the important thing was that I was not hurting.

The pain these days is much more intense than it has ever been before. I started with the prescription pills about four or five years ago; then it was naproxen sodium. After about a year, those pills stopped working. I remember calling my doctor one night, from work, in so much pain I could barely stand. She said "Have you taken a naproxen sodium?" I answered, "Yes, I've taken four and-" "Four!" she cut me off. "Okay, I'm giving you hydrocodone."

Now, I usually end up taking an entire hydrocodone, sometimes one and a half. It hurts so bad. The idea of a period without the meds terrifies me. The last three months, the pain has been more intense than any pain I've ever felt in my life. (Yes, worse than my tattoo, which was previously the worst physical pain I had ever felt.) And the pills are not working as well as they had.

I don't like taking pills, but until some doctor actually bites the bullet and tries to fix what is wrong with me, they are the best bet I have. I'd rather die than go through menstruation without them.

I started my period today. If tomorrow, I wake up in the kind of pain I have been feeling, I'm going to the ER. It will cost me $75, but I can't just sit and suffer anymore. I want some actual answers and solutions. Indigo knows I may call him at work to take me in. I just can't handle being in pain anymore, and I can't handle being afraid of the pain anymore.

(no subject)

[adelaide.livejournal.com]

my period decided to surprise me early because i didn't take one of my birth control pills until late one night.

i feel like my uterus is being stepped on...

oy.

The Waiting Game

[nyterhaven.livejournal.com]

The ol' period's late. Just by a couple days. Its fun, watching my man squirm and worry so. Its sadistic, I love it. He cracks me up. He asks me about 25 or more times a da if I'm pregnant. hhehehehe He's a riot. Unfortunately, he's starting to get on my nerves. It was funny the first couple days it was late, but now he's getting annoying. So as much as I hate the fun to stop, I wish my period would start. Maybe next month he can get to squirm and fidget some more :) Anybody know how to make a stubborn period come when ya need it?? :)