Hi from a new member!

[lifeguard-jen.livejournal.com]

I am so excited about this community...I know I can get some good questions answered here.

Well, I can't think of any now...but if you would like to read of my first-day-of-my-period-while-not-on-birth-control go here: <http://www.livejournal.com/users/lifeguard_jen>

and look at the entry titled "ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!"

Time to go lay down with my knees propped up. :)

grr...

[lifeguard-jen.livejournal.com]

dang! the link didn't post...well go to my journal then lifeguard_jen.

dealing w/ my unfortunate fertility

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

So it looks like I might have given myself a syndrome, I think. Here goes:

pcos is the short name for a type of ovarian cyst syndrome. basicly, you don't properly ovulate, and the egg forms a cyst on your ovary instead of going down the tube and whatnot. the general cause of this is a pancreas problem with insulin processing, which causes increased androgens in the body. so not only do you get ovarian cysts (harmless, pretty much), you also don't bleed, don't breed, and get increased body hair, male-pattern hair loss in some, male-pattern obesity (belly style), and decreased sex drive.

anyhow, i think i might have this. i had some menstrual issues about a year and a half ago (4 weeks, 5 weeks, 7 weeks, 9 weeks between bleeding), but i'm regular again and all is fine. when i had this problem i had gone to the doctor who had me take an ultrasound to check for ovarian cysts. let me just say that while it does not hurt, an ultrasound is no fun at all. they prescribe a certain ammount of water you have to drink about two hours beforehand so that you will have to pee like you have never had to pee before, so they can stick something in your vagina and poke at your belly. no good at all. anyhow, it took them forever to get back to me, and when they finally did, it was to tell me that they had unfortunately lost the test results. since i was again bleeding regularly by the time i found this out, i decided not to have another one and declare myself fine.

well, pcos is a syndrome rather than a disease. you don't cure it, you deal. it doesn't seem to do anything overly horrible, no cancer or killing or whatever. the main thing all the info i've found suggests is to lose weight, because the symptoms increase the more you weigh. their main suggestion was to go on a low carb diet, because since this whole thing is caused by problems with insulin processing, low carb reduces that issue as well as helps you lose weight.

right about the time i got the ultrasound done was when i first started my lowcarb diet. the sites i've read say that losing just 10% of your bodyweight can make a difference, and I've lost 20% so far. so, i think i have this syndome and that lowcarbing and losing weight have decreased my symptoms.

i think i gave myself this syndrome because of my pregnancy phobia. i am hardcore phobic of pregnancy. i only started having the weird menstrual issues after getting together with Boy, and I think because I was so worried about a potential pregnancy, I pretty much forced my body to form an ovarian cyst rather than release an egg. i've noticed that i was able to get my periods back to normal just by counting two weeks after my last period and telling myself it was time to ovulate.

i'm not sure if i have this syndrome for sure, but since there's no cure and the only things you can do to clear up the symptoms are things i'm already doing for other reasons, i figure there's no real reason to go all out and get tested. supposedly there's a cure comming out in a year or so, so maybe then i'll go get tested. it involves lots of bloodwork, which is unfortunately my other phobia.

i think it's kind of ironicly amusing that i may well have a disease that makes you fat, hairy, infertile, and non-sexual.

on the whole, i'm thinking i really need to get fixed. if i was fixed, i wouldn't be so freaked out about a potential pregnancy, thus maybe not fucking up my ovulation. at the same time, though, getting fixed is a scary thing. i don't like the idea of going to the hospital, and something in me shies away from the idea of having my body sliced and diced, even to cure my unfortunate fertility.

just a note - those of you who are all into your fertility, that's cool for you. i'm not down on your choices. for me, though, pregnancy is the darkest deepest fear i have pretty much. the only reason i would rather be pregnant than die is that pregnancy can be fixed but death can't. please don't tell me i should just get over it, please be respectful that this is probably my number one worst issue. this scares me about as much as the idea of getting cancer scares most people.

yes, my sex drive is low. how can it not be when i'm phobic of pregnancy and allergic to latex and unwilling to gain weight/depression by using hormonal birth control? i mean, what's hot when you're obsessively and overwhelmingly frightened/horrified of a potential physical side effect?

.sigh.