dealing w/ my unfortunate fertility
Dec. 8th, 2001 06:05 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
tyrsalvia.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
menstrualhutSo it looks like I might have given myself a syndrome, I think. Here goes:
pcos is the short name for a type of ovarian cyst syndrome. basicly, you don't properly ovulate, and the egg forms a cyst on your ovary instead of going down the tube and whatnot. the general cause of this is a pancreas problem with insulin processing, which causes increased androgens in the body. so not only do you get ovarian cysts (harmless, pretty much), you also don't bleed, don't breed, and get increased body hair, male-pattern hair loss in some, male-pattern obesity (belly style), and decreased sex drive.
anyhow, i think i might have this. i had some menstrual issues about a year and a half ago (4 weeks, 5 weeks, 7 weeks, 9 weeks between bleeding), but i'm regular again and all is fine. when i had this problem i had gone to the doctor who had me take an ultrasound to check for ovarian cysts. let me just say that while it does not hurt, an ultrasound is no fun at all. they prescribe a certain ammount of water you have to drink about two hours beforehand so that you will have to pee like you have never had to pee before, so they can stick something in your vagina and poke at your belly. no good at all. anyhow, it took them forever to get back to me, and when they finally did, it was to tell me that they had unfortunately lost the test results. since i was again bleeding regularly by the time i found this out, i decided not to have another one and declare myself fine.
well, pcos is a syndrome rather than a disease. you don't cure it, you deal. it doesn't seem to do anything overly horrible, no cancer or killing or whatever. the main thing all the info i've found suggests is to lose weight, because the symptoms increase the more you weigh. their main suggestion was to go on a low carb diet, because since this whole thing is caused by problems with insulin processing, low carb reduces that issue as well as helps you lose weight.
right about the time i got the ultrasound done was when i first started my lowcarb diet. the sites i've read say that losing just 10% of your bodyweight can make a difference, and I've lost 20% so far. so, i think i have this syndome and that lowcarbing and losing weight have decreased my symptoms.
i think i gave myself this syndrome because of my pregnancy phobia. i am hardcore phobic of pregnancy. i only started having the weird menstrual issues after getting together with Boy, and I think because I was so worried about a potential pregnancy, I pretty much forced my body to form an ovarian cyst rather than release an egg. i've noticed that i was able to get my periods back to normal just by counting two weeks after my last period and telling myself it was time to ovulate.
i'm not sure if i have this syndrome for sure, but since there's no cure and the only things you can do to clear up the symptoms are things i'm already doing for other reasons, i figure there's no real reason to go all out and get tested. supposedly there's a cure comming out in a year or so, so maybe then i'll go get tested. it involves lots of bloodwork, which is unfortunately my other phobia.
i think it's kind of ironicly amusing that i may well have a disease that makes you fat, hairy, infertile, and non-sexual.
on the whole, i'm thinking i really need to get fixed. if i was fixed, i wouldn't be so freaked out about a potential pregnancy, thus maybe not fucking up my ovulation. at the same time, though, getting fixed is a scary thing. i don't like the idea of going to the hospital, and something in me shies away from the idea of having my body sliced and diced, even to cure my unfortunate fertility.
just a note - those of you who are all into your fertility, that's cool for you. i'm not down on your choices. for me, though, pregnancy is the darkest deepest fear i have pretty much. the only reason i would rather be pregnant than die is that pregnancy can be fixed but death can't. please don't tell me i should just get over it, please be respectful that this is probably my number one worst issue. this scares me about as much as the idea of getting cancer scares most people.
yes, my sex drive is low. how can it not be when i'm phobic of pregnancy and allergic to latex and unwilling to gain weight/depression by using hormonal birth control? i mean, what's hot when you're obsessively and overwhelmingly frightened/horrified of a potential physical side effect?
.sigh.
pcos is the short name for a type of ovarian cyst syndrome. basicly, you don't properly ovulate, and the egg forms a cyst on your ovary instead of going down the tube and whatnot. the general cause of this is a pancreas problem with insulin processing, which causes increased androgens in the body. so not only do you get ovarian cysts (harmless, pretty much), you also don't bleed, don't breed, and get increased body hair, male-pattern hair loss in some, male-pattern obesity (belly style), and decreased sex drive.
anyhow, i think i might have this. i had some menstrual issues about a year and a half ago (4 weeks, 5 weeks, 7 weeks, 9 weeks between bleeding), but i'm regular again and all is fine. when i had this problem i had gone to the doctor who had me take an ultrasound to check for ovarian cysts. let me just say that while it does not hurt, an ultrasound is no fun at all. they prescribe a certain ammount of water you have to drink about two hours beforehand so that you will have to pee like you have never had to pee before, so they can stick something in your vagina and poke at your belly. no good at all. anyhow, it took them forever to get back to me, and when they finally did, it was to tell me that they had unfortunately lost the test results. since i was again bleeding regularly by the time i found this out, i decided not to have another one and declare myself fine.
well, pcos is a syndrome rather than a disease. you don't cure it, you deal. it doesn't seem to do anything overly horrible, no cancer or killing or whatever. the main thing all the info i've found suggests is to lose weight, because the symptoms increase the more you weigh. their main suggestion was to go on a low carb diet, because since this whole thing is caused by problems with insulin processing, low carb reduces that issue as well as helps you lose weight.
right about the time i got the ultrasound done was when i first started my lowcarb diet. the sites i've read say that losing just 10% of your bodyweight can make a difference, and I've lost 20% so far. so, i think i have this syndome and that lowcarbing and losing weight have decreased my symptoms.
i think i gave myself this syndrome because of my pregnancy phobia. i am hardcore phobic of pregnancy. i only started having the weird menstrual issues after getting together with Boy, and I think because I was so worried about a potential pregnancy, I pretty much forced my body to form an ovarian cyst rather than release an egg. i've noticed that i was able to get my periods back to normal just by counting two weeks after my last period and telling myself it was time to ovulate.
i'm not sure if i have this syndrome for sure, but since there's no cure and the only things you can do to clear up the symptoms are things i'm already doing for other reasons, i figure there's no real reason to go all out and get tested. supposedly there's a cure comming out in a year or so, so maybe then i'll go get tested. it involves lots of bloodwork, which is unfortunately my other phobia.
i think it's kind of ironicly amusing that i may well have a disease that makes you fat, hairy, infertile, and non-sexual.
on the whole, i'm thinking i really need to get fixed. if i was fixed, i wouldn't be so freaked out about a potential pregnancy, thus maybe not fucking up my ovulation. at the same time, though, getting fixed is a scary thing. i don't like the idea of going to the hospital, and something in me shies away from the idea of having my body sliced and diced, even to cure my unfortunate fertility.
just a note - those of you who are all into your fertility, that's cool for you. i'm not down on your choices. for me, though, pregnancy is the darkest deepest fear i have pretty much. the only reason i would rather be pregnant than die is that pregnancy can be fixed but death can't. please don't tell me i should just get over it, please be respectful that this is probably my number one worst issue. this scares me about as much as the idea of getting cancer scares most people.
yes, my sex drive is low. how can it not be when i'm phobic of pregnancy and allergic to latex and unwilling to gain weight/depression by using hormonal birth control? i mean, what's hot when you're obsessively and overwhelmingly frightened/horrified of a potential physical side effect?
.sigh.
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no subject
Date: 2001-12-08 08:04 am (UTC)i hate sex. i like the intamacy. i don't like orgasm.
re state that. i don't like loosing control. i AM a control freak. sex is such a vulnerability, i don't like not coming off as strong, and so i don't cum at all. i'm actually in a really good situation right now where i am in two "friends with benifits relationships." one, i really care very deeply for the guy, but we are not sexual at all. and he's ok with this. the other, i actually explained my dislike for sex with last night. he is alot of the same way, as orgasms make him hurt. so we lie in bed, naked, entertwined, kissing, and occaionally with variouse parts within me, but nothing really more than that. it is actually one of the most amazing things in the world. and we lay like that and talk about stuff.
if you are afraid of pregnacy, this might actually be a good option. you however, need a VERY understanding partner for this (obviousely). i would say still use a condom (non-latex for you personally, i can't rember what they are called at the moment) as there would still be some risk, but, for me, i find the intamacy level much much greater, and with the use of a condom, the possibility of pregnancy virtually nonexistant, as the guy isn't obtaining orgasm. and it can be one of the most intense experiences of your life, for me it's better than sex.
no subject
Date: 2001-12-08 09:10 am (UTC)if not, have you ever been on the pill or another hormone-related b/c? yes, they can make some people gain weight or be depressed.. but they've dnoe neither to me and i have a depressive tendency and a familial tendency towards obesity. neither was triggered by b/c, and i'm very happy with it. you might try it and if it works, then it's a very low failure rate...
also, i dunno. i am possibly going to be jumped on by mind/body people.. but i don't think you can give yourself a syndrome just by being scared of something. exascerbate it, maybe. but if you are getting the other symptoms of this, i really would see a doc.. it could be something else causing it too, and it might be treatable or even need treatment. just my 2c... gratuitious advice, take or leave as preferred :) good luck anyhow...
no subject
Date: 2001-12-08 10:59 am (UTC)To the original poster:
It is true that changes in diet and weight can affect how regular you are. Many people have talked about how periodically their cycles have changed dramatically, also. It is possible this was a case of that. If any of this is of concern to you, see your doctor. It's not as bad as you think it is, really! :) And you should have a checkup yearly (less than that for some people), anyways...
-kanga