(no subject)

[changeophobe.livejournal.com]

I am absolutely disgusted by my period and always have been. Right from the first time, I was traumatized. Not so much by the bleeding back then; it was more that I didn't want to grow up yet, but the bleeding and cramps soon became my enemies. Everything's gotten a bit better since I've been on birth control, but it's still pretty heavy and uncomfortable and it still grosses me out to just know that I'm bleeding.

My point, I guess, is that I feel I would benefit a lot from using tampons. I have only used a tampon once, out of desperation (because often the amount of bleeding I have is so severe that just walking a little ways or laughing or something will cause me to basically fill an entire pad and have to change it right away), and it was the hardest thing for me to do. The thought of putting anything in there while I'm bleeding makes me feel physically ill, and so right before putting the tampon in I had to really calm myself down and try and ignore the reality of what I was doing. I did get it in and everything, but I almost blacked out and had to lie on the bathroom floor for a while before I could move any part of my body again (I'm a little dramatic :D). After that was over with, I went on with my day and it was by far the most comfortable few hours I have ever had while having my period. I could walk without worry, even though I had a pad on just in case as well (it stayed clean though), I could actually run and jump and do crazy active things that I normally cannot do ever if I'm having my period. It was thoroughly awesome, at least until it'd been in for as long as it was supposed to and I had to take it out. I don't even want to think about what that was like. It was the most disgusting thing I think I've ever done and I almost did throw up afterwards. I had even thought about wearing another one that day, but I just couldn't bring myself to go through the trauma involved again.

I'm aware this is all just in my head and I should be able to get over it, but does anybody have any tips for me? I don't really know what I'm looking for, but anything that could help calm my nerves would be beneficial, and then I could maybe get used to the feeling and learn to not hate it as much. It's so annoying that I hated the insertion and removal but loved the actual time I was wearing it; it's got me hooked in some sort of screwed up way.

Thanks in advance for anyone's input that might be offered. :)