sorry about the x-posting!

[ex-makeupsex54.livejournal.com]

i know this has NOTHING to do with menstruation, but it has to deal with sex and cunts and all that good grrrl-stuff... i also posted this in vaginapagina... thank you for yr time!

hello ladies... i have a big question for you, but its going to seem really stupid and weird. bare with me...

i'm in a loving caring monogamous relationship with a wonderful boi. he's everything i could look for in a partner. we've been together for a while now. and, yes, our relationship is very sexual... which brings me to my problem.

i have been sexually active since i was 16. i'm disease-free and i've never been pregnant. yay! however, i'm not all that used to being with men. i was only involved with wimmin until i was about 18/19... i'm only almost 20. so yeah, i'm not used to boi/grrrl fucking all that much. infact, i feel so sexually-retarded cos i only enjoy missionary position fucking. there are reasons, yeah, like, i'm naturally submissive (im lightly involved in bdsm) and i've had bad experiences with other positions. both times i was sexually assaulted i was being fucked from behind. so i'm terrified of that position. also, the first man to take advantage of me told me, (paraphrased): have you even fucked before?!? do you even know how to be ON TOP?!? well, NO jackass! i'd never been on top before. i'd only had sex with one other guy to see what it was like. gah! okay okay, i know i'm taking up all of yr time and making this post too long.

i digress...

i have told my boifriend all of these factors and he tells me constantly that he likes the way we fuck, but i feel so sexually inadequate. i feel like such a virgin. and in a lot of ways, i am.

plus, i'm not very flexible and i hate my body, so some positions are impossible for me, and ones that really expose me (like being on top) are agonizing to me.

so if any of you have any ideas, input, comments... lemme know. i'm totally confused. i love sex, but all those positions! i'm lost! i'm not limber. i'm a survivor. gimme some help!

thanks so much. sorry this was so long. sorry if this made no sense.

circle a!
!bee!

Comments

[venus-ennui.livejournal.com]

Awww sweetie-
I dunno where to begin on everything you spoke of. You covered a lot of bases (no pun intended). You seem to have a good grasp on what makes you feel good and bad. This is your strongest tool when discovering sexuality be it masturbation or with a partner (of any gender). I'd hate to direct you to a bookstore at this point, but it may be your best bet. There are so many great books out there on self discovery and sexual technique, and frankly being able to be alone (or with your partner if you choose) to read will aid you in actually retaining info that may otherwise get all mucked up with embarrassment and hangups.
Sex is mostly from the neck up, knowing that is important, relaxation in absolutely essential for complete sexual release. And by the by, no one says missionary position is a bad thing, don't judge yourself and you will get a lot more confident.
You sound like a terrific grrl with a great sense of herself (even if it is under a bunch of issues and poo from your past) and I am sure you will negotiate your way through your sexuality with success and joy.

I wish you much happiness in bed and out.

VE

[ex-makeupsex54.livejournal.com]

thank you so much for yr support. i know that a lot of my issues have to deal with my past. i'm werking on it. and yr right, sex is mostly from the neck up. its all about thinking. and in my case (FINALLY) love, communication, and trust. thank you once again for being so helpful.

-bee

[resilientpewter.livejournal.com]

first, to address your question:
i was the same way at first, I hated being on top or taking any sort of initiative. it got better though as i became more comfortable with it, and now i'm all for just about anything :o) Just relax and be patient is the best advice i have. good luck!

second, to ask a question:
why do you spell boy "boi"? I have seen that before but i do not understand the significance of it.

[ex-makeupsex54.livejournal.com]

thank you for yr quick response. yeah, i know i need to relax (my extreme anxiety is so a part of feeling the way i feel) and i know it'll take time. but thank you for yr support.

as for the spelling of "boi" instead of "boy" ... its kinda like spelling "girl" "grrrl" ... its like a punk bOI. the oi in boi stand for the music he listens to... and ooooooh... i'm a geek and just like the spelling.

circle a!
-bee

[potatoprint.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, well, where to begin.

The fact that you're talking to your boi about this is a very good thing, as is his understanding your reasons etc.

Some people feel able to jump right in and try a hundred positions, others need time for trust and confidence to grow.
I've got to be honest, I'm not at fit, fat, and not flexible, and I'm yet to find a position that's impossible.

How about buying a book you can look at with your partner, then talking about things you might want to try? Oh, and by the way, this doesn't have to be a very serious endeavour - nothing is funnier than trying for some complicated moves and one of you getting cramp/falling over.

I'd be really surprised if your confidence just didn't keep growing the more practice you get. I fully understand how you feel relating to occasions where you were assaulted, having been there myself, but sweetie, the feeling is so wonderful when you are able to choose to use that position and "claim it back" from the people who made you feel so bad.

As for being on top, it's SO worth trying out once you feel ready.

[ex-makeupsex54.livejournal.com]

thank you for yr support. i'm soooo willing to try new positions with him, but i get so fuckin scared. as for being on top, i've tried, kinda liked it, but have freaked out every time. i've got to werk on that.

i think i'm going to buy a few books... some on positions and on positive sex after traumatic events... (i'm thinking pucker up's guide to sex by the lovely tristen taremino and the survivor's guide to sex but i dont remember the author of that book!)

but once again I THANK YOU!

-mlle bee

[judestar.livejournal.com]

I've never really been sexually abused as such, but I have been used for sex a lot, and it took me a very long time to actually get to grips with being comfortable with having regular sex with someone I love.

It sounds kinda lame but it's a sort of I know how you feel.
It's ok to be scared, trust me, and sex is all about love and all about trust.

I'm not very much into experimenting, since I have been with my recent boyfriend i have become a little more adventurous, because i do feel comfortable with him. A good relationship always helps, you have someone who obviously cares and knows all about your concerns.

The best thing you can do is just enjoy yourself and relax. There is no pressure, and the rest will come with time :)