A little help...

[victorianbeauty.livejournal.com]

Some of you might remember me as the girl who didn't get a pap smear done. Well the results of the ultrasound came back and there looked like their was a growth on my cervix so my doctor wanted to perform a pap smear and a pelvic exam.

I had it done and it was the worse experience of my life!!! It was so painful!!! A lot of things contributed to it being painful, I know, like my being tense, my opening being small (I'm a virgin), and the doctor couldn't get the thing to spread me open in because I was so tense and they didn't have any smaller.

But ever sense I had the pap smear I haven't been the same. I feel different about my body; I feel like I've lost something I can't get back because my doctor was the first person to be down there besides myself. I feel like I want to live the rest of my live with my legs closed and I never want to have sex now. And my crotch still feels weird and the exam was on Wednesday.

Has anyone else felt like this after their first pap smear? Because I haven't been myself since it happened, I've been real depressed and I don't know what to do. I know it'll pass but that's not helping me. I don't blame my doctor (and please nobody blame him) because he did everything he could to try to calm me but I just freaked out.

And just so you know turns out there was no growth.

Comments

[titsy-mcclure.livejournal.com]

Nope. In fact, it tickles, to me. My doctor was very amused, because I was laughing my ass off when she swabbed my cervix.

[pillu.livejournal.com]

hehe I was the same when I got mine done!, The doctor told me it would hurt etc, and I was waiting, and I was thinking........whens it gonna hurt... and then it started to tickle lol. I was trying not to squirm in laughter.

[voidofher.livejournal.com]

aw... im sorry you feel that way. i've never had anyone down there, i've never been to a doctor like that or anything and im still a virgin too... so i know it would be a little weird. but the doctor sees so many patients in one day and everything, im sure it didnt mean much to him. just be happy its over and that you're healthy, thats all that matters.

[darkermylove.livejournal.com]

If my doctor had been male, it might been different for me... but really, it's not a big deal because there will be people who you are going to be in relationships with who will be down there, and not a on doctor-patient professional level.

And when she wiped my cervix, boy did that hurt. Ouch. I could feel it for a day or so after, it was not fun.

[inanna.livejournal.com]

First, i am sorry that it was such a traumatic experience for you. *hug* i am guessing that possibly, if this was just a "routine" thing instead of a "looking for something wrong" thing, it may not have been as stressful for you. But that does nothing to take away what you are going through now.

As far as the physical discomfort, it should go away in a few days. Although for most people it only lasts a day or so, you did have trouble relaxing, which increased the overall trauma to the area. And he may have taken more samples than usual as they were looking for something specific. (i had a pap come back Class IV - the worst they can - and the biopsy they did as follow up left me uncomfortable, cramping, and spotting for days... and i am used to the exams and have given birth.) If you are still in pain/discomfort on Monday, call your doctor.

As far as the emotional stuff - do NOT discount that at all! This is a big trauma for you... not only the physical discomfort, but also the stress of the situation (is something wrong or not???), as well as the stress of the doctor doing something with less than optimum tools (too big a speculum). You said:

I feel different about my body; I feel like I've lost something I can't get back because my doctor was the first person to be down there besides myself. I feel like I want to live the rest of my live with my legs closed and I never want to have sex now.

AND

Because I haven't been myself since it happened, I've been real depressed and I don't know what to do.

These are very real and concerning things to feel. i would seriously call a counsellor immediately. These are not normal responses. That is not to say they are abnormal, just that they are things not to be ignored and swept under the table. You are a young and vibrant woman and deserve to feel good about your body. The after-effects of this appointment have robbed you of these feelings - and dealing with things rather than hiding will help you heal and move on.

If you need to talk - my email is inanna@w-link.net - please drop me a line.

*hug* You are not alone in this. *hug*

[victorianbeauty.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for all your comforting words. All of what you've said makes since and good explainations for things. Like it must have been a larger sample than usual for the first time I went to the bathroom after the pap smear I shedded two fairly large clumps of what looked like lining but it wasn't bloody. My crotch feels almost normal today, just in time for me to start my period!!! :P

I'm hoping to feel a little better once my period is over but I am going to go to a counsellor. My dad called the place covered by our insurance Friday afternoon and they said they would call him back, I'm hoping tomorrow. I know I'll get throughh this but it'll probably take some time. Thank you for your kind words.

Re:

[inanna.livejournal.com]

i am glad you are starting to feel better physically - and oh joy on your monthly moontime. If you can, take a few extra minutes this cycle to be thankful (yes, thankful) for your wonderful, healing body. *hug*

And i am so happy to hear you are seeing a counsellor. If they don't call tomorrow, call them. And please let us know how you are doing. *hug*

[killerbunny.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that you did not have a very good experience. But, on the up-side, at least you don't have to worry about certain health problems now.

I feel like I've lost something I can't get back because my doctor was the first person to be down there besides myself.
I can understand how you might feel that way. But I hope that you are able to get beyond this. It would be a shame if you were forever unable to enjoy sexual experiences because of this. The only advice I can give is to try and remember that although this doctor may have been the first person in your adult life to to be down there, that doesn't mean your first sexual experience with someone else should be any less special. Your doctor was down there in a professional capacity, it was not an intimate moment at all, it was purely a health concern. So the first time you have a sexual experience with someone else, it WILL still be a first for you. Not a physical first, but an emotional one, and really it is the emotion that is important in so many ways. Perhaps you could think about it in terms of a kiss (stay with me, I promise I'm going somewhere) ... Doctors and dentists are often getting up close and personal with your mouth and the inside of it, generally long before you have your first romantic kiss, but does that make your first real kiss any less of a significant moment?

Good luck.

[victorianbeauty.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I know I'll probably have sex someday because before this I had always been the "virgin sex fiend". I guess it's just the shock of the whole situation and it might take me sometime to get over it.

[victorianbeauty.livejournal.com]

I wasn't molested or abused when I was younger. I've always been a real emotional and sensitive person which I'm sure didn't help the whole situation. I am going to go see a counselor, my parents are insisting on it and I know it'll be for the best. I've been to counseling two other times in my life and they have always helped so I know they'll be able to help this time.

[snapdragon-666.livejournal.com]

I'd never thought of it that way before (that you feel different because the doctor was the first person to go down there). I can totally understand why you feel like that. I don't know who said it before, but they're right- you should see a counsellor to get it sorted before you feel any worse. Don't feel daft for it- in my mind it's violation although it was done in your best interests.

Please take care and remember there's a lot of people who understand here.
xxx

[iris-opal.livejournal.com]

Oh, Hon! Not good. Guess it takes each of us a bit differently - but yes, talk to someone about it cause that ought to help. And yes it probably was worse cause they had to get a bigger sample than normal to rule out bad stuff.

Look after yourself and zen hugs - The hugs you would get if I were there, or you were here, but we arn't so they have to be Zen.